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do you agree or disagree? young people now days dont give enough time to helping their community. +toefl essay v.91

young people now days dont give enough time to helping their community. +toefl essay v. 91
Dedication is a ubiquitous trait that is instilled in most of us. However, I have always wondered why some people earn more than others. Despite the fact that everyone seems to work hard, there seems to be stark income equality in any society. Thus, we ought to explore this matter. In a free market economy, wages are proportionate to the value of a particular employee, worker or a hired person. Such value is determined by that person’s contribution to the establishment he is working for. Thus, Celebrities gain so much money because of the enormous return, they bring to the investor. For example, a typical American movie is likely to achieve three hundred percent profitability. I am never shocked when I hear about movies that can bring profits amounting to two hundred million dollars. However, many criticize the ways in which a free market economy functions. As far as they are concerned, they believe that even though some jobs may not generate an astounding income for an organization, these jobs are regarded as indispensable to a functioning society. For example, garbage men, as humble as this job may sound like, are essential for any city’s sanitation. Without them, the inhabitants of a city would be engulfed by a horrendous plague of diseases. In conclusion, I believe that there are jobs which are very important for the society. However, we have to accept the reality that some people can make more money than others. But I believe that scales of pay do not always reflect the importance of any job in the society.
Dedication is a ubiquitous trait that
is instilled
in most of us.
However
, I have always wondered why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
earn more than others. Despite the fact that everyone seems to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, there seems to be stark income equality in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Thus
, we ought to explore this matter.

In a free market economy, wages are proportionate to the value of a particular employee, worker or a hired person. Such value
is determined
by that person’s contribution to the establishment he is working for.
Thus
, Celebrities gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the enormous return, they bring to the investor.
For example
, a typical American movie is likely to achieve three hundred percent profitability. I am never shocked when I hear about movies that can bring profits amounting to two hundred million dollars.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criticize the ways in which a free market economy functions. As far as they
are concerned
, they believe that
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may not generate an astounding income for an organization, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are regarded
as indispensable to a functioning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, garbage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, as humble as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may sound like, are essential for any city’s sanitation. Without them, the inhabitants of a city would
be engulfed
by a horrendous plague of diseases.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept the reality that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money than others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that scales of pay do not always reflect the importance of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay young people now days dont give enough time to helping their community. +toefl essay v. 91

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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