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These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible? v.1

These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible? v. 1
Nowadays the human lifespan is extended thanks to remarkable developments in biotechnology, resulting in rising concern over the matter of catering for old people. Some people argue that every family is responsible for taking care of their elders, while others believe it is the government that should take charge of this mission. From my point of view, the descendants should take care of their parents and grandparents, but with assistance from the government. To begin with, people should care for their parents and grandparents as a way to fulfill filial duty. To be more specific, the elderly are the ones to give birth, provide education, care, and support, both financially and mentally, for the young throughout their development. Thus, when people become mature and can provide for themselves, they should ensure that their parents enjoy a happy and healthy life. On the contrary, if humans fail to support their parents, or worse, neglect and abandon their parents, it would be morally and socially unacceptable. Moreover, it is seemingly undeniable that family members are the best caretakers for the old. That is to say, people in one family know each other’s habits and interests; therefore, they can cater for their elders thoughtfully and appropriately without missing important details. For this reason, parents and grandparents would feel much more comforted and relieved when staying at home with their children than in a nursing home with strange people. Additionally, although family members should be responsible for their parents and grandparents, the government should be held accountable for providing support to guarantee a good life for the seniors. Specifically, the authority should enforce policies on social welfare, such as free healthcare and adequate pensions, to maximize the benefits for old people. In a nutshell, it is undeniable that family members should take responsibility for taking care of the elders as a way to show respect and appreciation towards them. However, the government should also provide senior citizens with financial aid or social welfare to ensure their well-being.
Nowadays the human lifespan
is extended
thanks to remarkable developments in biotechnology, resulting in rising concern over the matter of catering for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is responsible for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their elders, while others believe it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that should take charge of this mission. From my point of view, the descendants should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with assistance from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
as a way to fulfill filial duty. To be more specific, the elderly are the ones to give birth, provide education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, and support, both
financially
and mentally, for the young throughout their development.
Thus
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become mature and can provide for themselves, they should ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
enjoy a happy and healthy life.
On the contrary
, if humans fail to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, or worse, neglect and abandon their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it would be
morally
and
socially
unacceptable.

Moreover
, it is
seemingly
undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are the best caretakers for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
know each other’s habits and interests;
therefore
, they can cater for their elders
thoughtfully
and
appropriately
without missing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
would feel much more comforted and relieved when staying at home with their children than in a nursing home with strange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Additionally
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should be responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be held
accountable for providing support to guarantee a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life for the seniors.
Specifically
, the authority should enforce policies on social welfare, such as free healthcare and adequate pensions, to maximize the benefits for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In a nutshell, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should take responsibility for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the elders as a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect and appreciation towards them.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
provide senior citizens with financial aid or social welfare to ensure their well-being.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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