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IN SOME COUNTRIES PEOPLE ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF THEIR ELDERLY RELATIVES SOME BELIEVE THAT THE ELDERLY PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE IN NURSING HOME WHERE TRAINED PROFESSIONAL CARE For THE ELDERLY OTHERS THINK THEY SHOULD LIVE WITH THE YOUNGER FAMILY MEMBERS DISCUSS v.2

IN SOME COUNTRIES PEOPLE ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF THEIR ELDERLY RELATIVES SOME BELIEVE THAT THE ELDERLY PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE IN NURSING HOME WHERE TRAINED PROFESSIONAL CARE For THE ELDERLY OTHERS THINK THEY SHOULD LIVE WITH THE YOUNGER FAMILY MEMBERS DISCUSS v. 2
Old people play the significant roles in modern society nowadays. However, the question of who will hold the responsibility of looking after the parents and grandparents when they get old is a heated debate. Meanwhile, the situation of putting senior citizens into nursing home is also a common situation in many households. On the one hand, elderly people living in nursing homes is an alternative that brings about a lot of benefits. In these places, old people have more opportunities to communicate with their counterparts/ their peers. With each other’s company, these old people do not feel lonely and can also do a great deal of things together, such as exchanging memories of their time. Besides, the most important benefit is that old people can receive professional medical care from professional doctor. In contrast, at homes, due to busyness, their children cannot look after them. On the other hand, however, a great proportion of population hold the belief that it is the responsibility of offspring to look after their parents and grandparents when these people get old and grey. In actual fact, old people are treasure of society. Old people can make use of their expertise and wisdom to teach children how to differentiate between good and bad, right and wrong. Besides, it is a luck for the children to have chances to share house with the elderly relatives to repay what these people have received. This is not to mention the usefulness of elderly people when they can do household chores, and volunteering. In conclusion, from my point of view, it depends on the circumstance of each family to decide who to take care of the elderly relatives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play the significant roles in modern society nowadays.
However
, the question of who will hold the responsibility of looking after the parents and grandparents when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
is a heated debate. Meanwhile, the situation of putting senior citizens into nursing home is
also
a common situation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
households.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in nursing homes is an alternative that brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits. In these places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more opportunities to communicate with their counterparts/ their peers. With each other’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel lonely and can
also
do a great deal of things together, such as exchanging memories of their time.
Besides
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can receive professional medical care from professional doctor.
In contrast
, at homes, due to busyness, their children cannot look after them.

On the other hand
,
however
, a great proportion of population hold the belief that it is the responsibility of offspring to look after their parents and grandparents when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
. In actual fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are treasure of society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their expertise and wisdom to teach children how to differentiate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Besides
, it is a luck for the children to have chances to share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
relatives to repay what these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have received. This is not to mention the usefulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they can do household chores, and volunteering.

In conclusion
, from my point of view, it depends on the circumstance of each family to decide who to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
relatives.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay IN SOME COUNTRIES PEOPLE ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF THEIR ELDERLY RELATIVES SOME BELIEVE THAT THE ELDERLY PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE IN NURSING HOME WHERE TRAINED PROFESSIONAL CARE For THE ELDERLY OTHERS THINK THEY SHOULD LIVE WITH THE YOUNGER FAMILY MEMBERS DISCUSS v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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