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Today children have experienced a lot of educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce such pressures? v.1

Today children have experienced a lot of educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce such pressures? v. 1
While academic, aggregators and financial strains, according to some, have been exerting a negative impact on young generation due to a plethora of concrete reasons, I believe that this trend has its own optimal solutions. First, a common belief, an unprecedented number of children are suffering from educational perspectives, as can be seen, because of parental intentions. Nowadays, for example, parents have greater expectations as not to enter local universities, but to higher international level. And this demand in the form of outnumbering home tasks has, in turn, paved the way to societal issues. In this way, youngsters are neither adept at socializing with their friends nor at engrossing into leisure activities. Moreover, a closer examination reveals that financial stress and social problems are interrelated as financial problems lead to the emergence of social isolation which exists in school life unexceptionally. Therefore, if a child lacks money, but his classmates prevail, there will certainly be a financial concern over money, which causes not only material, but also societal challenges. Parents, preliminarily, have the key role in eliminating this overall aforementioned stress emerged by three interdependent spheres. In order to abandon this overwhelming problem, parents have an obligation to necessarily create a day regimen so that their children occupy time for such other activities as walking by breathing fresh air or brainstorming logical games, which leads to the enhanced well-being of children and reliever of tension. Furthermore, another panacea for this is forming an accurate attitude towards finances. To exemplify, parents should inform their children about proper spending of money so that their children would have an adequate perception of money. Thus, overall afore cited solutions directly impact on ubiquitous prosperity of children including social. In conclusion, the further these skills are developed by outer influences, children are less likely to fall into depression.
While academic, aggregators and
financial
strains, according to
some
, have been exerting a
negative
impact on young generation due to a plethora of concrete reasons, I believe that this trend has its
own
optimal solutions.

First
, a common belief, an unprecedented number of
children
are suffering from educational perspectives, as can be
seen
,
because
of parental intentions. Nowadays,
for example
, parents have greater expectations as not to enter local universities,
but
to higher international level. And this demand in the form of outnumbering home tasks has, in turn, paved the way to societal issues. In this way, youngsters are neither adept at socializing with their friends nor at engrossing into leisure activities.
Moreover
, a closer examination reveals that
financial
stress
and social problems
are interrelated
as
financial
problems lead to the emergence of social isolation which exists in school life
unexceptionally
.
Therefore
, if a child lacks
money
,
but
his classmates prevail, there will
certainly
be a
financial
concern over
money
, which causes not
only
material,
but
also
societal challenges.

Parents,
preliminarily
, have the key role in eliminating this
overall
aforementioned
stress
emerged by three interdependent spheres. In order to abandon this overwhelming problem, parents have an obligation to
necessarily
create a day regimen
so
that their
children
occupy time for such other activities as walking by breathing fresh air or brainstorming logical games, which leads to the enhanced well-being of
children
and reliever of tension.
Furthermore
, another panacea for this is forming an accurate attitude towards finances. To exemplify, parents should inform their
children
about proper spending of
money
so
that their
children
would have an adequate perception of
money
.
Thus
,
overall
afore
cited solutions
directly
impact on ubiquitous prosperity of
children
including social.

In conclusion
, the
further
these
skills
are developed
by outer influences,
children
are less likely to fall into depression.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay Today children have experienced a lot of educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce such pressures? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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