Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.2

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 2
During the process of ensuring a better future for our children, we are knowingly and unknowingly putting more pressure and burden on them and our expectations sometimes are incessant. However, we should let them enjoy their childhood and not make them robots and this can be achieved by reducing the competitions and having practical expectations from them. To begin with, the main reason children today are under constant pressure from their parents, society and country is the increasing competition everywhere. For instance, a good school has only 100 seats for children while more than 10 thousand children compete for admission to this school. As a result, parents and teachers are forced to put extra pressure on their children. Colleges, universities and the job market has more or less that same picture where thousands of people compete for a few posts. Secondly, parents and society want our young children to be brilliant in every aspect of life – in education, in sports, in arts and extracurricular activities and so on as if without being multitalented, our youngsters are not going to make positive impacts in the future. Finally, youngsters in many countries are forced to take up some sorts of part-time jobs while studying, some to gain experience and some to support their finances, and this is also creating an invisible pressure on them. To let our children enjoy their childhood and grow up in a remarkably positive environment, we should have practical expectations from them. This single aspect can eliminate many invisible burdens modern children have today on their shoulder. We should not engage them in activities we, not them, are interested in and find out their hidden talents to prepare them for the future. Finally, the government and the country should ensure that we do not put our children to unnecessary competitions by enhancing the country’s economy and by creating more job opportunities for them. In conclusion, children are the future leaders and they will lead society, the nation and the country one day. Thus we want our children to get the very best and become ideal citizens so that they can have a better life while making the world a better place for all. To ensure that, we need to have practical expectations from them and build a better society for our future generation.
During the process of ensuring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, we are
knowingly
and
unknowingly
putting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and burden on them and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are incessant.
However
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them enjoy their childhood and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them robots and this can
be achieved
by reducing the competitions and having practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
from them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are under constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from their parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the increasing competition everywhere.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
100 seats for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while more than 10 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compete for admission to this school.
As a result
, parents and teachers
are forced
to put extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Colleges, universities and the job market has more or less that same picture where thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
compete for a few posts.
Secondly
, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
want our young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be brilliant in every aspect of life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
in education, in sports, in arts and extracurricular activities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on as if without
being multitalented
, our youngsters are not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Finally
, youngsters in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are forced
to take up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of part-time jobs while studying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to gain experience and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to support their finances, and this is
also
creating an invisible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy their childhood and grow up in a
remarkably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment, we should have practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
from them. This single aspect can eliminate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
invisible burdens modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
on their shoulder. We should not engage them in activities we, not them,
are interested
in and find out their hidden talents to prepare them for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should ensure that we do not put our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to unnecessary competitions by enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy and by creating more job opportunities for them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
leaders and
they will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the nation and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
one day.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we want our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
best and become ideal citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life while making the world a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place for all. To ensure that, we need to have practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
from them and build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts