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Many museums today are mainly visited by tourist, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people? v.1

Many museums today are mainly visited by tourist, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people? v. 1
Many people find out that the main visitors of the museums are the tourists instead of local people. The first reaction to some people is to oppose such claims. Nonetheless, from my points of views, there are several persuasive reasons to agree with this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of perspectives to examine this issue more in depth. The main reason to support my position is that the tickets are too expensive to afford by normal families to go visiting regularly. Take my friend, Tina, for example, the ticket's price of the art center which is nearby her living area is 50 USD per person. Her salaries is 30 USD every day, so that she could only go visiting once a year. From such examples, it demonstrates that if the government could provide some discounts for locals, it may attract more people. Another reason for my belief is that nowadays the art exhibitions are focus on ancient antiques. However, civilians are more care about some things are related to themselves. For instance, my sister, Jane, she used to love antiques. But now she has an one-year-old boy, she told me she are not interested in ancient world anymore. On the other hand, she is looking for an art center which provides playgrounds for parents and kids. Consequently, it can be said that if the exhibitions could have some more different perspectives, and it may attract more families. To conclude, it is not to say that other points of views are totally without merits. Nevertheless, the reasons I have presented could support the position of why there are fewer neighbors to visit the museums and how the government could do in order to improve such situations.
Many
people
find out that the main visitors of the museums are the tourists
instead
of local
people
. The
first
reaction to
some
people
is
to oppose such claims. Nonetheless, from my points of views, there are several persuasive
reasons
to
agree
with this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of perspectives to examine this issue more in depth.

The main
reason
to support my position is that the tickets are too expensive to afford by normal families to go visiting
regularly
. Take my friend, Tina,
for example
, the ticket's price of the art center which is nearby her living area is 50 USD per person. Her salaries
is
30 USD every day,
so
that she could
only
go visiting once a year. From such examples, it demonstrates that if the
government
could provide
some
discounts for locals, it may attract more
people
.

Another
reason
for my belief is that nowadays the art exhibitions are focus on ancient antiques.
However
, civilians are more care about
some
things
are related
to themselves.
For instance
, my sister, Jane, she
used
to
love
antiques.
But
now
she has
an
one-year-
old
boy, she
told
me she
are
not interested in ancient world anymore.
On the other hand
, she is looking for an art center which provides playgrounds for parents and kids.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that if the exhibitions could have
some
more
different
perspectives, and it may attract more families.

To conclude
, it is not to say that other points of views are
totally
without merits.
Nevertheless
, the
reasons
I have presented could support the position of why there are fewer neighbors to visit the museums and how the
government
could do in order to
improve
such situations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums today are mainly visited by tourist, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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