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It has been claimed that workers over 50 are responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that this reason younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent would you support or reject this idea? v.1

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that this reason younger workers are to be preferred. v. 1
Nowadays younger workers have creative ideas. These ideas seem that huge results. It has been alleged that employers over 50 are not sensible to quickly changing views in the new workplace and that for this argument young employees are to be selected. I will explain that some arguments in these essays. One argument in favour younger employees is that older workers are more often set in their ways and are believed to be resistant to change there may be an element of truth in this, but there are many intelligent and flexible older workers as well as narrow minded and younger ones set in their ways. Attitude to change is a matter of personality type rather than age. There are physical changes which progress with age that many make some jobs better suited to a younger element. For example, It seems to be accepted by psychologists that memory diminishes with age. In some modern, hi-tech industries like computer programming, where there is a premium on the regular memorising of large amounts of new information it would seem younger workers have an advantage. However older workers do have many other positive qualities which, they can bring to their company working environment. Generally speaking, they have more working experience than the youngsters and these can benefit the firm while planning long term policies. Their maturity and managerial skills can be viewed as a way of training the younger workers to be leaders themselves. In conclusion, therefore, It would seem that the proposal in the title has to be rejected since in most work situations a mixture of the best qualities of young and old is to be preferred in order to foster the most productive environment.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seem
that huge results. It has
been alleged
that employers over 50 are not sensible to
quickly
changing views in the new workplace and that for this argument young employees are to
be selected
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments in these essays.

One argument in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
employees is that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
set in their ways and
are believed
to be resistant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
there may be an element of truth in this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intelligent and flexible older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
as well
as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
narrow minded
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
ones set in their ways. Attitude to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a matter of personality type
rather
than age. There are physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which progress with age that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs better suited to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
element.

For example
, It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by psychologists that memory diminishes with age. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modern, hi-tech industries like computer programming, where there is a premium on the regular
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
of large amounts of new information it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have an advantage.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities which, they can bring to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
working environment.

Generally
speaking, they have more working experience than the youngsters and these can benefit the firm while planning long term policies. Their maturity and managerial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be viewed
as a way of training the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to be leaders themselves.

In conclusion
,
therefore
, It would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seem
that the proposal in the title
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be rejected
since in most work situations a mixture of the best qualities of young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is to
be preferred
in order to foster the most productive environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay It has been claimed that workers over 50 are responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that this reason younger workers are to be preferred. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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