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Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. v. 1
It is true that using cigarettes has evolved a major topic of concern in recent years. Personally, I agree with the view that the consumption of tobacco products should be prohibited. On the one hand, all forms of consuming tobacco must be outlawed because of its adverse impacts on the health of individuals and society as a whole. Firstly, those who frequently smoke might face an increased risk of having several potentially fatal diseases. Undoubtedly, studies have proven that different chemical substances in the cigarette, such as nicotine, are the main factor resulting in lung cancer, heart attack, stroke and many other respiratory illnesses, causing over six million deaths on an annual basis around the world. Secondly, using cigarettes also threaten the survival of non-smokers who are constantly exposed to environmental tobacco smoke like the workplace or home. For example, each year an estimated three thousand Americans die of lung cancer and over three hundred children suffer from respiratory tract infections because of inhalation of secondhand cigarette smoke from other smokers. On the other hand, I consider that the prohibition of smoking also brings certain significant benefits. The principal benefit is that it could not only help people have a more healthy life and but also help the government ease the pressure of medical care. Indeed, health care costs take up a huge chunk of the government’s budget so, when fewer people smoke, less money will be spent on smoking-related illnesses and there would be more funds for other patients. The other benefit is that smoking bans could make a contribution to reducing air pollutions. Supporters of this view contend that states and cities that adopted non-smoking policies in restaurants and public indoor spaces often have a better indoor air quality than those which still allow smoking public. In conclusion, I would argue that the government should take proactive measures to ban the use of cigarettes because they have negative effects on human health and society also reaps great benefits of this policy.
It is true that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
has evolved a major topic of concern in recent years.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that the consumption of tobacco products should
be prohibited
.

On the one hand, all forms of consuming tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be outlawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its adverse impacts on the health of individuals and society as a whole.
Firstly
, those who
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
might face an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of having several
potentially
fatal diseases.
Undoubtedly
, studies have proven that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
chemical substances in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
, such as nicotine, are the main factor resulting in lung cancer, heart attack, stroke and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
respiratory illnesses, causing over six million deaths on an annual basis around the world.
Secondly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
also
threaten the survival of non-smokers who are
constantly
exposed to environmental tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
like the workplace or home.
For example
, each year an estimated three thousand Americans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of lung cancer and over three hundred children suffer from respiratory tract infections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inhalation of secondhand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
smokers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I consider that the prohibition of smoking
also
brings certain significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. The principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that it could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a more healthy life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the pressure of medical care.
Indeed
, health care costs take up a huge chunk of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, when fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
, less money will
be spent
on smoking-related illnesses and there would be more funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
patients. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that smoking bans could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to reducing air pollutions. Supporters of this view contend that states and cities that adopted non-smoking policies in restaurants and public indoor spaces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a better indoor air quality than those which
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
smoking public.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take proactive measures to ban the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on human health and society
also
reaps great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of this policy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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