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2. Nowadays, there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extend do you agree? v.1

2. Nowadays, there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individuals and to society. v. 1
Currently, Media focuses more on problems and emergencies that face countries rather than directing people into a more positive side. Although some believe that media should present only positive development aside from negative news which could harm the society. I believe that the media should keep its focus on negative news. Media sources should not hide the negative news from the people. This is because the more aware the people become, the more their industry will flourish. As allowing individuals to know the current difficulties their country is facing, will perhaps push them to work to solve it and take precautions. Take the Republic of Korea, for example, in one of the huge crisis faced Korea before that led to a decrease in wan currency, the authority decided to hide this fact from Korean citizens. Which in that case puts them in dangerous situations; many people have lost their homes, investments and employments because of trusting false news. Directing the light on hard situations that affect many factors of societies may act as an alarm. In other words, in order to fix these situations, news should be kept alerting authorities and governments. This could be one of many ways to establish a powerful society. Arguably, some people are afraid of their country's image from all the negative news. However, some situations such as warning young children from a new human trafficking method and warning teenagers from drug addiction are more important to acknowledge than caring about the public image of the country. In conclusion, In order to raise people's awareness and to find solutions for problems affecting countries. The media should be given the freedom to reflect on negative situations. This way gives more chance for individuals and authorities to develop and maintain a safe society.
Currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
focuses more on problems and emergencies that face countries
rather
than directing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development aside from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which could harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
news.

Media sources should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more aware the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become, the more their industry will flourish. As allowing individuals to know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
difficulties their country is facing, will perhaps push them to work to solve it and take precautions. Take the Republic of Korea,
for example
, in one of the huge crisis faced Korea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that led to a decrease in wan currency, the authority decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
this fact from Korean citizens. Which
in that case
puts them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lost their homes, investments and employments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of trusting false news.

Directing the light on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
that affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
may act as an alarm.
In other words
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
alerting authorities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. This could be one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to establish a powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Arguably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid of their country's image from all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
such as warning young children from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
human trafficking method and warning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
from drug addiction are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to acknowledge than caring about the public image of the country.

In conclusion
, In order to raise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness and to find solutions for problems affecting countries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to reflect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. This way gives more chance for individuals and authorities to develop and maintain a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay 2. Nowadays, there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individuals and to society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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