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People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse. v.2

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse. v. 2
Drugs nowadays are ubiquitous. However, the decline of age when teenagers start experimenting with legal as well as illegal drugs is blamed on inappropriate examples set by parents and other society members. As with any social issue, there are various causes and effects of such behaviour. Fortunately, some actions can be taken to ameliorate the problem. The issue of drug abuse among school students seems to have two main causes. Firstly, all the youth are curious about the world and new experiences. If they hear the stories how others felt after taking a particular substance, they will be keen to experience such a state themselves. For instance, heroin might cause hallucinations, which many find appealing due to being able to escape from the real world. Another reason why many teenagers take drugs is boredom. In some social circles the young have no opportunities to pursue their hobbies. Combining that with the pleasurable effects of some chemical substances results in taking those legal and illegal drugs as often as possible. Unfortunately, this has serious consequences. In the majority of cases, drug abuse leads to addiction. At this point drugs would be the highest priority for a young person. Hence, many of them might drop out of school, or even become thefts to get money for they favourite substance. Not to mention a potential health issues in heavy drug users. This is because most ingested of inhaled substances after being absorbed to the blood stream pass through the liver, where they are metabolised. Many drugs or their metabolites are toxic to the liver and other organs. Therefore, abusing drugs might be a cause of acute organ failure or even death. By examining the causes of this worrying trend some recommendations can be made. In the case of all problems it is better to prevent rather than treat. Thus, education about substance abuse ought to be mandatory in every school in addition to a wide offer of extracurricular activities for students, so that they can develop their interests instead of turning to drugs, which is often caused by boredom. To conclude, curiosity and lack of hobbies bring many young to experiment with drugs, which bears serious social and health consequences. The prevention by lessons on drug abuse problem and engaging students in after-school activities, in my opinion, would be the most effective method to tackle the problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drugs
nowadays are ubiquitous.
However
, the decline of age when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
experimenting with legal
as well
as illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is blamed
on inappropriate examples set by parents and other society members. As with any social issue, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and effects of such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Fortunately
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions can
be taken
to ameliorate the problem.

The issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
among school students seems to have two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
.
Firstly
, all the youth are curious about the world and new experiences. If they hear the stories how others felt after taking a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
, they will be keen to experience such a state themselves.
For instance
, heroin might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
hallucinations, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
find appealing due to being able to escape from the real world. Another reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is boredom. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social circles the young have no opportunities to pursue their hobbies. Combining that with the pleasurable effects of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substances
results in taking those legal and illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as possible.

Unfortunately, this has serious consequences. In the majority of cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
leads to addiction. At this point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
would be the highest priority for a young person.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them might drop out of school, or even become thefts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money for they
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
. Not to mention a potential health issues in heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
users. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most ingested of inhaled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substances
after
being absorbed
to the blood stream pass through the liver, where they are
Possible spelling mistake. 'metabolised' is British English.
metabolised
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
or their metabolites are toxic to the liver and other organs.
Therefore
, abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
might be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of acute organ failure or even death.

By examining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this worrying trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recommendations can
be made
. In the case of all problems it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
rather
than treat.
Thus
, education about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
ought to be mandatory in every school
in addition
to a wide offer of extracurricular activities for students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can develop their interests
instead
of turning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caused by boredom.

To conclude
, curiosity and lack of hobbies bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young to experiment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, which bears serious social and health consequences. The prevention by lessons on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
problem and engaging students in after-school activities, in my opinion, would be the most effective method to tackle the problem.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
394 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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