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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.28

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 28
Some would say that a significant number of grown-up people posses in some nations rather than senior citizens currently. This essay will argue that they may have less practical experience in their life than an old expert, they have the calibre to do the hard work to propel a national economy. On the one hand, Young adults do not have a realistic experience like an older adult. This is because they do not go long enough in their life and old masses passed a long journey in their human beings from their they have learned many human beings lessons, so their life experience may contribute an integral part to make the right decision for anyone. For example, most of the important decision is taken by the senior old officer in their country. However, there is no need for too many old masses take that kind of decision, a few of them are enough for this. One evident benefit of having lots of grown-up people is that they can boost a country's economy if any nation can use them appropriately. That is to say that, they can perform any works if they get trained by the government. By using this youth power, a state can progress their entire economic sectors. For instance, China has the vast majority of young adult people and by utilizing these people, this country becomes one of the top highest economic nations in the world. This means grown-up people are the asset for the nation and can bring more prosperity to their state. In conclusion, despite these populations have a lack of actual knowledge, they can develop a national economy rapidly. This will be a plus point for any nation, so the advantages outweigh any drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would say that a significant number of grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
posses in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
rather
than senior citizens
currently
. This essay will argue that they may have less practical experience in their life than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
expert, they have the
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to propel a national economy.

On the one hand, Young adults do not have a realistic experience like an older adult. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not go long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in their life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses passed a long journey in their human beings from their they have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human beings lessons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their life experience may contribute an integral part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision for anyone.
For example
, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision
is taken
by the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
officer in their country.
However
, there is no need for too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses take that kind of decision, a few of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for this.

One evident benefit of having lots of grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is that they can boost a country's economy if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
appropriately
.
That is
to say that, they can perform any works if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trained by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. By using this youth power, a state can progress their entire economic sectors.
For instance
, China has the vast majority of young adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and by utilizing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this country becomes one of the top highest economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the world. This means grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the asset for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and can bring more prosperity to their state.

In conclusion
, despite these populations have a lack of actual knowledge, they can develop a national economy
rapidly
. This will be a plus point for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the advantages outweigh any drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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