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To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9
Nowadays the internet has facilitated our society like never before since the “dot-com bubble” burst years ago. I would totally agree with this statement and the reasons for this will be addressed in the following paragraphs. First of all, it is undeniable that our way of communication has become more convenient today than in previous days. The internet has created a global village breaking down communication barriers by connecting people all over the world. For instance, we can get in touch with our friends and family, however distant we are, via email and other messaging applications. Moreover, we can stay close through social networks like facebook, twitter, etc. so that we can consume information around the world at real time just by a click. Secondly, the internet has not only opened gateways to global education for our generation but also evoked our thirst for knowledge by enabling the free flow of information. For example, learning materials for my study can be downloaded easily, and I can quickly gather various facts by surfing the net. In addition to this, different online courses widely offered by the world’s famous universities, unlike the formal education, eliminate common boundaries such as time, accommodation and transportation i. e. we can learn the lessons at our own paces anywhere at our convenient time. Finally, the development of “world-wide web” has also brought about advances in the economical sector such as online banking and online shopping. With online banking, there is much less processing time needed as well as unnecessary complicated steps avoided so our businesses can be run smoothly. Similarly we can save our precious time and energy, yet still can choose from a variety of products via online shopping. In conclusion, the internet has eased our way of living particularly in social, educational and economical aspects. Therefore, there is no doubt for me to believe that our modern life engines have been facilitated by the internet oil.
Nowadays the internet has facilitated our society like never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
since the “dot-com bubble” burst years ago. I would
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and the reasons for this will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that our way of communication has become more convenient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than in previous days. The internet has created a global village breaking down communication barriers by connecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world.
For instance
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with our friends and family,
however
distant we are, via email and other messaging applications.
Moreover
, we can stay close through social networks like
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, twitter, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can consume information around the world at real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by a click.

Secondly
, the internet has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
opened gateways to global education for our generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
evoked our thirst for knowledge by enabling the free flow of information.
For example
, learning materials for my study can
be downloaded
easily
, and I can
quickly
gather various facts by surfing the net.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses
widely
offered by the world’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
universities, unlike the formal education, eliminate common boundaries such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, accommodation and transportation
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
we can learn the lessons at our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
paces anywhere at our convenient time.

Finally
, the development of “world-wide web” has
also
brought about advances in the economical sector such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking, there is much less processing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
needed
as well
as unnecessary complicated steps avoided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
our businesses can
be run
smoothly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
we can save our precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy,
yet
still
can choose from a variety of products via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

In conclusion
, the internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
our way of living
particularly
in social, educational and economical aspects.
Therefore
, there is no
The usual collocation for "doubt" is "in" or "about" not "me". Did you mean "doubt in" or "doubt about"?
doubt for
me to believe that our modern life engines have
been facilitated
by the internet oil.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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