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To what extent has the Internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.1

To what extent has the Internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.1
Nowadays, the most significant concerns of mankind are to improve their living standard and how to make it convenient. Therefore, some people believe that the internet plays an influential role in their lives in terms of work and connection while others are concerned about negative impacts of its. I believe that the internet has both advantages and some severe disadvantages, in this essay they are discussed. On the one hand, the internet is a huge space of containing information. Therefore, people can get information which relates to many aspects they want easily by touching the screen of their smart phone or pressing their devices’ button; hence, it helps them save their time. For instance, when I prepare a presentation, I often go to the libraries of my school to obtain further information, but thanks to the internet I may access electric libraries in order to find quickly academic information such as specialized dictionaries, scientific research, specialist presses; therefore, I am not time-consuming to read a lot of books or lectures anymore. Moreover, it can be appropriate for using an ebook instead of a printed book in any case. For example, when I am quarantined because of corona virus, I may not go out to buy books, shippers may not also deliver books for me as well as; hence ebooks are the best choice for me. On the other hand, people may be linked personal information through the internet. When people access a website or a program required to supply their personal information, hackers may thieve that information to make profits, so users may be a cyberbullying victim. For instance, they steal money from bank accounts of customers or create fake accounts to cheat somebody out of money, and they may use private images to blackmail. Besides, on the internet may be contained toxic contents which have negative impacts on awareness of users. Especially, if users are children, that can be extremely dangerous, for instance. To sum up, the internet helps human life become more convenient, and it also results in linked private information. Therefore, users should take advantage of the internet carefully so order not to be a cyberbullying victim.
Nowadays, the most significant concerns of mankind are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the internet plays an influential role in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in terms of work and connection while others
are concerned
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of its. I believe that the internet has both advantages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe disadvantages, in this essay they
are discussed
.

On the one hand, the internet is a huge space of containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which relates to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects they want
easily
by touching the screen of their smart phone or pressing their devices’ button;
hence
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them save their time.
For instance
, when I prepare a presentation, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to the libraries of my school to obtain
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to the internet I may access electric libraries in order to find
quickly
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as specialized dictionaries, scientific research, specialist presses;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, I am not time-consuming to read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or lectures anymore.
Moreover
, it can be appropriate for using an
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebook
instead
of a printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
in any case.
For example
, when I
am quarantined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
, I may not go out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, shippers may not
also
deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for me
as well
as;
hence
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebooks
are the best choice for me.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be linked
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
through the internet. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
access a website or a program required to supply their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, hackers may thieve that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
may be a cyberbullying victim.
For instance
, they steal money from bank accounts of customers or create fake accounts to cheat somebody out of money, and they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
private images to blackmail.
Besides
, on the internet may
be contained
toxic contents which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
.
Especially
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
are children, that can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
for instance
.

To sum up, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
human life become more convenient, and it
also
results in linked private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
should take advantage of the internet
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
order not to be a cyberbullying victim.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay To what extent has the Internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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