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Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performances for the general public. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. v.4

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performances for the general public. Give your own opinion. v. 4
It is believed that regimes should concentrate to enhance the better sports and art facilities in schools instead of spending money on the programs to provide entertainment to the people. I agree with the former view. Admittedly, in some situations or places, it is necessary to spend some money on the events for the enjoyment of the general public. The one main reason to consider behind is that political parties do it to increase their vote bank. With the concerts and sports programs, political leaders win the faith of people and promote their party without spending the single penny of the party budget. However, in reality, it is the need of the hour to spend money for the promotion of the sports, arts and culture in the schools to produce the skilled persons which will really help to raise the economic and social slandered of the nation. Undeniably, there are so many benefits of spending money in the schools for the development of sports and art culture. The first and foremost reason behind is that schools kids are the future of the nation. It becomes the social obligation of the regime to provide the better sports facilities at the school level to inculcate the habit and interests for the sports and art, which they can adopt as a profession in the future. Another reason to consider is that nowadays, school children are getting depressed owing to the burden of the study. They cannot spare time for playing sports because they always get busy to fulfil the school' s tasks, here it is the responsibility of the governments to spend money to construct the great sports infrastructure in schools so that students can keep them away from the worries and tensions of study. To conclude, although spending money on the concerts and sports tournaments is also imperative for the social causes, however, governments should consider more to spend money to promote the sports and art culture at schools to produce the better.
It
is believed
that regimes should concentrate to enhance the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the programs to provide entertainment to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view.

Admittedly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations or places, it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for the enjoyment of the
Consider using "public".
general public
. The one main reason to consider behind is that political parties do it to increase their vote bank. With the concerts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
programs, political leaders win the faith of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and promote their party without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the single penny of the party budget.
However
, in reality, it is the need of the hour to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the promotion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and culture in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to produce the skilled persons which will
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to raise the economic and social slandered of the nation.

Undeniably
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
culture. The
first
and foremost reason behind is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
kids are the future of the nation. It becomes the social obligation of the regime to provide the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level to inculcate the habit and
The usual collocation for "interests" is "in" not "for". Did you mean "interests in"?
interests for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which they can adopt as a profession in the future. Another reason to consider is that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children are getting depressed owing to the burden of the study. They cannot spare time for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
busy to fulfil the
Possible spelling mistake found.
school&
#039; s tasks, here it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to construct the great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
infrastructure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from the worries and tensions of study.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the concerts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tournaments is
also
imperative for the social causes,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should consider more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
culture at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to produce the better.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performances for the general public. Give your own opinion. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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