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To what extent has the Internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience? v.4

To what extent has the Internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience? v.4
Nowadays, young people choose to live far from their families due to the benefits they can gain when they study or work outside their comfort zones. There are many arguments into this trend whether it is good or bad. In this essay, I will discuss both views since I believe that there are always advantages as well as disadvantages. In terms of pros, people who don't live with their parents seem to have a better attitude towards life. Their choices to leave homes lead them to meet with difficulties earlier than others. As a result, they will have better experience dealing with problems since they have overcome such similar issues. Moreover, living by ourselves can build confidence and independence, especially for those whose parents are overprotective. For example, a person who live with their parents until they married is likely to have fewer skills and flexibilities when coping with different problems. On the other hand, youngsters choose to live far from their parents because they want to have free space to do whatever they want. I believe that this can lead to many issues. Parents will not have the ability to control their offspring’s behaviour and actions. Therefore, some people are using this to do bad things without permissions from their parents. In addition, not everyone can live on his/her own at the early stage of life. Many people still need guidance and protections because of their disabilities or mental-health problems. To sum up, I want to emphasis the importance of living far away from parents due to the advantages they can bring to us. However, we also need to pay close attention to the disadvantages this trend can cause.
Nowadays, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far from their families due to the benefits they can gain when they study or work outside their comfort zones. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments into this trend whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. In this essay, I will discuss both views since I believe that there are always advantages
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
disadvantages.

In terms of pros,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
seem to have a better attitude towards life. Their choices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You should probably use "home".
homes
lead them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with difficulties earlier than others.
As a result
, they will have better experience dealing with problems since they have overcome such similar issues.
Moreover
, living by ourselves can build confidence and independence,
especially
for those whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are overprotective.
For example
, a person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until they married is likely to have fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexibilities
when coping with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems.

On the other hand
, youngsters choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to have free space to do whatever they want. I believe that this can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
will not have the ability to control their offspring’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and actions.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using this to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things without permissions from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In addition
, not everyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
at the early stage of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
need guidance and protections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their disabilities or mental-health problems.

To sum up, I want
Did you mean "to emphasize" (American English) or "to emphasise" (British English)?
to emphasis
the importance of living far away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to the advantages they can bring to us.
However
, we
also
need to pay close attention to the disadvantages this trend can cause.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay To what extent has the Internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience? v.4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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