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To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3
Today, online networking plays a crucial role to make people easier for living. In my opinion, we are using internet for many purposes in our daily life. First of all, many teenagers and adults are using the net for communication. For instance, they can easily get in touch with each other by using it from their phones or computers. The worldwide web can also provide our current location or information whatever we need. However, some elder people refuse to use the network because they can hardly find its advantages. Secondly, many youths are enjoying the internet because of entertainment. It offers varieties of shows, movies, music videos and comedies which can relax our mind for a while. For example, if I am fully stressed, I always search the Britain Got’s Talent from online to take away my worries. Besides, education also need support of online. Students can find the facts for their research from the website. Last but not least, online network also has side effects. A lot of people get blackmails from hackers. In addition, health problems can occur while overusing the internet. It is a common issue that we see happening in our society. For example, a recent study showed that several small regions in the brains of online addicts shrank by 10% to 20% and they got brain damage. To conclude, although there are many benefits of the internet which can make life more comfortable but we should have to set our limitation to control overusing it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
networking plays a crucial role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
easier for living. In my opinion, we are using internet for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes in our daily life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults are using the net for communication.
For instance
, they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with each other by using it from their phones or computers. The worldwide web can
also
provide our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
location or information whatever we need.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
refuse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the network
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can hardly find its advantages.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths are enjoying the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of entertainment. It offers varieties of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, movies, music videos and comedies which can relax our mind for a while.
For example
, if I am
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, I always search the Britain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Got
’s Talent from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to take away my worries.
Besides
, education
also
need support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Students can find the facts for their research from the website.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
network
also
has side effects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
blackmails from hackers.
In addition
, health problems can occur while overusing the internet. It is a common issue that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
happening in our society.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
regions in the brains of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
addicts shrank by 10% to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
20% and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
brain damage.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of the internet which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life more comfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set our limitation to control overusing it.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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