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Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agrees how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society v.1

Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agrees how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society v. 1
People still have a dream about a perfect society and try to enhance it constantly by improving aspects of society. In my opinion, the most important element is that we have not actually found realistic solutions to approach a perfect community. Education is of crucial importance as it lays the foundation in the construction of an ideal society. Firstly, the education may have direct impact on different aspect of people such as academics, mindset, knowledge, perception, and professional skill, as well as on communications society. Therefore, increasing the education is the best way to boost the number of high-quality workers. For instance, thanks to Bill Gates’ Microsoft Office program, people can store more information, more material over many years without many efforts. Therefore, people don’t need to waste too much time, papers and space to store. Besides, this also allows employees to be just as productive at home as they could be if they were sitting in front of a computer in their office. That makes the efficiency of the business increase considerately. Additionally, that helps members of a professional class focus on social issues such as polluted environment or social evil etc. From my perspective, to have a perfect community the most important factor should be that citizens have a wise decision in electing an appropriate leader. Definitely, nations cannot develop and succeed without powerful leaders. Thanks for the education developed, it has provided society with many people of great talent. Then the elect can help the country propose optimal solutions. For example, they have invested in universities like providing students with scholarships or assist them in school fees. At the same time that helps students to develop the skills and knowledge employers need. Besides, scholarships can support them to approach international environment and collect useful experiences. Therefore, in the future, they will become good citizens and bring back practical knowledge to let society better and better.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
still
have a dream about a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and try to enhance it
constantly
by improving aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my opinion, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element is that we have not actually found realistic solutions to approach a perfect community.

Education is of crucial importance as it lays the foundation in the construction of an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Firstly
, the education may have direct impact on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as academics, mindset, knowledge, perception, and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
as well
as on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "communications'" or "communication's"?
communications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, increasing the education is the best way to boost the number of high-quality workers.
For instance
, thanks to Bill Gates’ Microsoft Office program,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can store more information, more material over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efforts.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t need to waste too much time, papers and space to store.
Besides
, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
employees to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as productive at home as they could be if they were sitting in front of a computer in their office. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the efficiency of the business increase
considerately
.
Additionally
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
members of a professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
focus on social issues such as polluted environment or social evil etc.

From my perspective, to have a perfect community the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor should be that citizens have a wise decision in electing an appropriate leader. Definitely, nations cannot develop and succeed without powerful leaders. Thanks for the education developed, it has provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of great talent. Then the elect can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the country propose optimal solutions.
For example
, they have invested in universities like providing students with scholarships or assist them in school fees. At the same time that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students to develop the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge employers need.
Besides
, scholarships can support them to approach international environment and collect useful experiences.
Therefore
, in the future, they will become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens and bring back practical knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
better and better.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agrees how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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