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Throughout the history, people dream to build a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make perfect society? How do people do to achieve an ideal society? v.1

Throughout the history, people dream to build a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make perfect society? How do people do to achieve an ideal society? v. 1
Since last few centuries, creating a perfect society has been a desire of many intellectuals, although they haven’t identified the character of an ideal society. This essay will discuss about the crucial elements to build an ideal society as well as the ways to get it in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the vital elements to build an ideal community, the most important element is an education. This element brings many benefits not only to an individual, but also to the whole mankind. For instance, the educated members of the society can think independently and they can remove the social vices. The education can eradicate the practices of discrimination from the society, as a result the harmony and peace will build up in society, which is the most essential part of any perfect society. Moreover, health plays vital role in the creation of a society. The healthy members of the society are more productive; their energy and resources can be fully utilized for the development of the society, instead of curing and defending the health related problems of the members. On the other hand, to achieve a perfect community these elements should be used by people effectively and efficiently. The educated people should provide their services to the all segments of the society. For example, the medical field, the science, literature and many other fields need the dedicated scholars to develop the society. The culture and traditions should wisely preserve by the people. Furthermore, the healthy people of the society can work effectively. Hence, to achieve an ideal society the citizens have to work together without any discrimination in any section of the mankind. In conclusion, the intellectuals should utilize the most important elements of the society such as education and health. The integrated efforts of people could achieve a dream of a perfect society.
Since last few centuries, creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has been a desire of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intellectuals, although they haven’t identified the character of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
to build an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
as the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
to build an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
community, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
element
is an education. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
element
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to an individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the whole mankind.
For instance
, the educated members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independently and
they can remove the social vices. The education can eradicate the practices of discrimination from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
as a result
the harmony and peace will build up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which is the most essential part of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Moreover
, health plays vital role in the creation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The healthy members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are more productive; their energy and resources can be
fully
utilized for the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
instead
of curing and defending the health related problems of the members.

On the other hand
, to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
community these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
effectively
and
efficiently
. The educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should provide their services to the all segments of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, the medical field, the science, literature and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other fields need the dedicated scholars to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The culture and traditions should
wisely
preserve by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can work
effectively
.
Hence
, to achieve an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
the citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work together without any discrimination in any section of the mankind.

In conclusion
, the intellectuals should utilize the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as education and health. The integrated efforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could achieve a dream of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Throughout the history, people dream to build a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make perfect society? How do people do to achieve an ideal society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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