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Throughout the history, people dream to built a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make? How to achieve an ideal society? v.1

Throughout the history, people dream to built a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make? How to achieve an ideal society? v. 1
The cost of fuel is growing because it is a good measure to deal with transport jams and contamination issues. Author totally disagrees with this decision, because other methods could be more effective than this one. And, other efforts that I can suggest are riding only a pedal within a city or moving to the hydrogen cars and improving the road lines. Oil is an important component to generate a fuel. The price of oil grows up every day, because oil is not constant and it is necessary for all. However, drivers are ready to spend their money to a fuel, because they need to get to their destination. Consequently, the higher price of petrol will not help to solve challenges with air pollution and of course, with traffic. On the other hand, other solutions can help to decide this problems. As it mentioned in the essay, riding a bike is might be helpful, because, firstly bike does not allocate the carbon dioxide and secondly, it has significantly less size than a car. Hence, it doesn't cause the traffic jams. Finally, the last advantage of bikes is their low prices, because bike does not require an oil and it is simpler than cars. Even it has lots of benefits, it also has disadvantages. One problem could be that getting to the location is slower with a bike. Other methods of solving the listed problems are moving to the hydrogen cars and developing road lines. This changing is beneficial, because they are more suitable to address the issues. In conclusion, expense of petrol is rising to decide the difficulties with pollution and increasing transportation. I do not accept this suggestion, because it is not essential method as other ones that I preferred. Due to riding bikes or hydrogen cars with upgraded road line systems the problems can be addressed.
The cost of fuel is growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
measure to deal with transport jams and contamination issues. Author
totally
disagrees with this decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods could be more effective than this one. And,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
efforts that I can suggest are riding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a pedal within a city or moving to the hydrogen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and improving the road lines.

Oil is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
component to generate a fuel. The price of oil grows up every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
oil is not constant and it is necessary for all.
However
, drivers are ready to spend their money to a fuel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to their destination.
Consequently
, the higher price of petrol will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve challenges with air pollution and
of course
, with traffic.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
solutions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decide
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. As it mentioned in the essay, riding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
is might be helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
does not allocate the carbon dioxide and
secondly
, it has
significantly
less size than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
Hence
, it doesn't cause the traffic jams.
Finally
, the last advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
is their low prices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
does not require an oil and it is simpler than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. Even it has lots of benefits, it
also
has disadvantages. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could be that getting to the location is slower with a bike.

Other methods of solving the listed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are moving to the hydrogen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and developing road lines. This changing is beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more suitable to address the issues.

In conclusion
, expense of petrol is rising to decide the difficulties with pollution and increasing transportation. I do not accept this suggestion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not essential method as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ones that I preferred. Due to riding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
or hydrogen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
with upgraded road line systems the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be addressed
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Throughout the history, people dream to built a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make? How to achieve an ideal society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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