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In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. v. 1
Advertisements play a vital role in promoting any sort of product and service in the market. Many people believe that it creates a fuss between the parents and their kids for their favourite snacks or toys. On the other hand people believe that such ads give useful information to people. This essay will discuss about my opinion on both the views. Companies create many fancy advertisements to attract more and more customers. Children get easily trapped in such creative ads and become stubborn and yearn for such products. Many parents believe it's there false trick to grab innocent children to purchase their products. Whereas many advertisers depict that they give useful information to the public. Through the medium of advertisement, the companies create general awareness about their services. In addition, they tell the benefits of their product which is actually useful for the public. For instance, ads of the polio drops campaign, or energy drinks can actually be helpful for the public. Whereas, ads of junk food like chips and chocolates can be provoking for kids and therefore be unhealthy for them. To conclude, the idea of the advertisements speaks a lot what they want to share with the society. In my opinion, ads varies to different products and services. Companies make advertisement not only to promote their product and create more customers for them, but also few ads like on insurance premium prove to be beneficial for many people. So, it is the public on which it depends whether they grasp knowledge from such ads or persuade them to buy unnecessary things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
play a vital role in promoting any sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and service in the market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
a fuss between the parents and their kids for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
snacks or toys.
On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that such ads give useful information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about my
opinion on both the views.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to attract more and more customers. Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
trapped in such creative ads and become stubborn and yearn for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents believe it's there false trick to grab innocent children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisers depict that they give useful information to the public.

Through the medium of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
general awareness about their services.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the benefits of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which is actually useful for the public.
For instance
, ads of the polio drops campaign, or energy drinks can actually be helpful for the public. Whereas, ads of junk food like chips and chocolates can be provoking for kids and
therefore
be unhealthy for them.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
speaks a lot what they want to share with the society. In my opinion, ads varies to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
more customers for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
few ads like on insurance premium prove to be beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is the public on which it depends whether they grasp knowledge from such ads or persuade them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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