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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.13

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 13
Some people believe that it is essential to prohibit people from engaging in risky sports, for example, skiing and sky diving. Although these sports are dangerous to some extent, I totally disagree with banning them as some people enjoy engaging in these activities. A lot of people enjoy extreme sports and banning them would an unfair decision to the public. Numerous people, specifically young adults, get a lot of pleasure from engaging in risky sports. In other words, adolescents have a lot of energy and want to live intensely and skiing or sky diving represents an attractive means of entertainment for them. Furthermore, some people experience a lot of stress in their lives and engaging in risky sports provide a healthy way for them to relieve their stress and rejuvenate. Conversely, extreme sports might be dangerous to many people and in many cases they cause death. However, by taking the appropriate measures and following safety tips, people can participate in those events safely. Instead of banning risky sports, governments should instead impose regulations to keep individuals safe. For instance, subsidizing training lessons that must be taken before risky sports. Individuals might skip those lessons to save money sometimes, thus, if governments subsidized them it may decrease the danger for those who want to enjoy extreme sports. To conclude, some people might only think of the negative consequences of risky activities, due to that they think they must be banned. Yet many people, young and old, enjoy these sports and it would be unfair and almost impossible to ban them. In order to ensure the safety of people, authorities must impose laws for taking the appropriate training lessons before engaging in those sports, as well as wearing safe clothes and using the required equipment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is essential to prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaging
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
for example
, skiing and
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
totally
disagree with banning them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaging
in these activities.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and banning them would an unfair decision to the public. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
specifically
young adults,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pleasure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaging
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
In other words
, adolescents have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of energy and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
intensely
and skiing or
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
represents an attractive means of entertainment for them.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaging
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide a healthy way for them to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and rejuvenate.

Conversely
, extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases they cause death.
However
, by taking the appropriate measures and following safety tips,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can participate in those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
safely
.
Instead
of banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
instead
impose regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
individuals safe.
For instance
, subsidizing training lessons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Individuals might skip those lessons to save money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
thus
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
subsidized them it may decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for those who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
extreme sports.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
activities, due to that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
.
Yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and it would be unfair and almost impossible to ban them. In order to ensure the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
impose laws for taking the appropriate training lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaging
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
as well
as wearing safe clothes and using the required equipment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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