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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Dicuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.34

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Dicuss both the views and give your own opinion. v. 34
This is an ongoing debate between two different groups. Former group of individuals thinks that it is desirable to transfer a data in the technical, occupational and educational fields. On the other hand, latter view states that several important details should be shared without any limitations. Before giving my opinion, both views need to be critiqued with suitable examples in the forthcoming paragraphs. Discussing the former view, there are so many news which are required to be shared with specific fields such as, scientific, business and the academic one. Whole population can not understand some information which is related to the technical or management world. For example, articles about all examinations has been printed in the newspapers such as, CAT (common admission test) is one of the important tests for entering in the MBA. Details of that test are necessary for the students. However, it is useless for the people who do not aware about that. Furthermore, in the profession like pharmacy, data of newly founded drugs or a banned drugs is required to be transferred. Moreover, in the business details of current prices, taxes as well as trends need to be conveyed. Therefore, some information on specific professions should be compulsorily reached to them. The latter group of individuals believes that, several news should be shared freely. Citizens of the nation have the rights to be aware of the things which are going on. For instance, one lunar exploration mission named by "Chandrayan" was released by the ISRO in my home country India before 4 months. All the data about that mission should be transferred to the whole population because it is their right to know about a progression of the nation. Additionally, articles of the current affairs should be printed on the daily. The crime rate has been increased nowadays. Thus, news about that should reach to all the people. Thereby, some important news should be spread freely. To conclude, I think that all the details should be announced without any limitations. It can improve the knowledge of an individual. In a result, a person can be aware of all the things which are happening in the world. In addition, it will help the development of the nation along with children.
This is an ongoing debate between two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups. Former group of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is desirable to transfer a data in the technical, occupational and educational fields.
On the other hand
, latter view states that several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
should
be shared
without any limitations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
giving my opinion, both views need to
be critiqued
with suitable examples in the forthcoming paragraphs.

Discussing the former view, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which
are required
to
be shared
with specific fields such as, scientific, business and the academic one. Whole population can not understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information which
is related
to the technical or management world.
For example
, articles about all examinations has
been printed
in the newspapers such as, CAT (common admission
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
) is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
for
There isn't usually a preposition after "entering". Did you mean "entering the MBA"?
entering in the MBA
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Details
of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
are necessary for the students.
However
, it is useless for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not aware about that.
Furthermore
, in the profession like pharmacy, data of
newly
founded drugs or a banned
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "drug"?
drugs
is required
to
be transferred
.
Moreover
, in the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
prices, taxes
as well
as trends need to
be conveyed
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information on specific professions should be
compulsorily
reached to them.

The latter group of individuals believes that, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be shared
freely
. Citizens of the nation have the rights to be aware of the things which are going on.
For instance
, one lunar exploration mission named by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chandrayan
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
was released
by the ISRO in my home country India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
4 months. All the data about that mission should
be transferred
to the whole population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is their right to know about a progression of the nation.
Additionally
, articles of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs should
be printed
on the daily. The crime rate has
been increased
nowadays.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about that should reach to all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Thereby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be spread
freely
.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
should
be announced
without any limitations. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the knowledge of an individual. In a result, a person can be aware of all the things which are happening in the world.
In addition
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the development of the nation along with children.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Dicuss both the views and give your own opinion. v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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