Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world? v.1

In some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world? v. 1
While secondary schools provide a wide range of teaching materials, in some other countries, learning specific subjects is more advocated. I personally believe that being a jack of all trades will be more beneficial in the future career compared to a focused education in the early age. There are various reasons why dabbling many skills offers more advantages than being an expert in one particular subject. In the first place, people with many skills are often offered with more job opportunities compared to experts. For example, in my field of work, it is easier to train somebody than to recruit a domain expert. That being said, companies are facing challenges in recruiting a matching skill set of a particular domain. For instance, recruiting a replacement for a senior position is harder than promoting and grooming internal staffs. Students with broader knowledge have more options compared to the others. Many times these students have not found what they are truly passionate with, thus, committing to a career path may be too early for them. For example, many of us are now working on a different domain from what we learnt when we were younger. Had we known earlier, it would a great jumpstart, but that is not always the case. In summary, while focusing on a career path since young may give a great boost when joining the workforce, most of the time children only find their passion after they join the workforce. In light of this, having a general education is still appropriate for today's world.
While secondary schools provide a wide range of teaching materials, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other countries, learning specific subjects is more advocated. I
personally
believe that being a jack of all trades will be more beneficial in the future career compared to a focused education in the early age.

There are various reasons why dabbling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
offers more advantages than being an expert in one particular subject. In the
first
place,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
offered with more job opportunities compared to experts.
For example
, in my field of work, it is easier to train somebody than to recruit a domain expert. That
being said
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are facing challenges in recruiting a matching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set of a particular domain.
For instance
, recruiting a replacement for a senior position is harder than promoting and grooming internal staffs.

Students with broader knowledge have more options compared to the others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times these students have not found what they are
truly
passionate with,
thus
, committing to a career path may be too early for them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
working on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
domain from what we
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
when we were younger. Had we known earlier, it would a great jumpstart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
not always the case.

In summary, while focusing on a career path since young may give a great boost when joining the workforce, most of the time children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
find their passion after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce. In light of this, having a general education is
still
appropriate for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay In some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts