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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v.8

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 8
Over the Centuries, human being has been searching for achieving perfection, although it would be uneasy to reach this dream, people are still hoping to live in a such circumstances. In my opinion, there are uncountable elements which could lead to an ideal society. Therefore, I am going to summarise them and what should be done to fulfil the dream One of the main leading points is preserving human rights. These are many such as fair chance of education, employment and health services. So that everybody will feel secure and satisfied, and this result in more loyalty towards the community. The way forward is raise the infrastructure of the health system, make the education compulsory as well as feasible to access by the public and the government should invest more to provide more job opportunities. Consequently, these measures collectively lead to achieve the satisfaction of living. Another important factor is building up a generation that is fortified by moral values like, loving, helping, respecting, avoid cheating lying among the community. If all these values had been implanted earlier, We would have shortened the way to make our dream come true. Finally, safety and protection are what people are always looking for in their life because they would not have to worry about themselves, their relatives or their belongings. In other word they feel comfortable and unstressed. To acquire this environment, there should more laws that control and deter crimes and prevent offending from threatening society safety. To sum up, perfection is an aspect that needs a lot of changes and many factors are considered from respecting human rights, ensuring healthy generations are growing up and wrapping up people with safe and unless some steps are held our dream will become out of reach.
Over the Centuries, human being has been searching for achieving perfection, although it would be uneasy to reach this dream,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a such circumstances. In my opinion, there are uncountable elements which could lead to an ideal society.
Therefore
, I am going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
them and what should
be done
to fulfil the dream

One of the main leading points is preserving human rights. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance of education, employment and health services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that everybody will feel secure and satisfied, and this result in more loyalty towards the community. The way forward is raise the infrastructure of the health system,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the education compulsory
as well
as feasible to access by the public and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more to provide more job opportunities.
Consequently
, these measures
collectively
lead to achieve the satisfaction of living.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is building up a generation that
is fortified
by moral values like, loving, helping, respecting, avoid cheating lying among the community. If all these values had
been implanted
earlier, We would have shortened the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

Finally
, safety and protection are what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are always looking for in their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about themselves, their relatives or their belongings. In other word they feel comfortable and unstressed. To acquire this environment, there should more laws that control and deter crimes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
offending from threatening society safety.

To sum up, perfection is an aspect that needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors
are considered
from respecting human rights, ensuring healthy generations are growing up and wrapping up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with safe and unless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps
are held
our dream will become out of reach.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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