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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v.3

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 3
Most people in the world have a dream to live in an ideal society and lead a happy and meaningful life. However, they do not have the same idea about what the perfect society would look like. I personally think that there are three indicators that can measure the perfection of a society in the modern world: social value, proper infrastructure and employment opportunity. This essay discusses these factors and the ways to achieve that ideal society followed by the examples. Firstly, social value and social bonding among people is the most important aspect of a perfect society. In a society where people have a strong bonding and obey the social norms tend to lead a better life. Society is formed by many families. If the family members are close and have a better relationship, they would form a better society. A perfect society must have people with human quality and good social behaviours. Secondly, having good infrastructures and services can be one of the requirements of a perfect society. People need the infrastructures and public services to fulfil their necessity. Take people living in Melbourne as an example. Melbourne is claimed as a most livable city in the world and the people can be classified to live in a perfect society. This country has so many modern infrastructures, for example, modern public health centre, school, bus stop, and others as well as good services at the airport, local government office, etc. This ideal condition can be achieved if the people pay the tax regularly and obey the rules. The tax payment becomes a resource to build good and complete facilities for society. Furthermore, if the society obeys the regulation, they will not have problems with the services of people. Thirdly, an ideal society needs sufficient job fields to work in. People can fulfil their needs by having a good salary for their work and have a good career in the future. For example, people in Los Angeles spend most their time for working and have a good financial condition. This situation can be created by the society if people can be an entrepreneur. By being an entrepreneur, they can create new work fields for others and reduce the number of unemployed people. In conclusion, a perfect society has to have good infrastructures and services as well as sufficient job opportunities. Then, this situation can be built by paying tax, obeying the policy, and creating the work-fields by entrepreneurs.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world have a dream to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and lead a happy and meaningful life.
However
, they do not have the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would look like. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are three indicators that can measure the perfection of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the modern world:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
value, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
and employment opportunity. This essay discusses these factors and the ways to achieve that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
followed by the examples.

Firstly
,
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social
value and
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social
bonding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a strong bonding and obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms tend to lead a better life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
is formed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families. If the family members are close and have a better relationship, they would form a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with human quality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

Secondly
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
can be one of the requirements of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructures
and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to fulfil their necessity. Take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in Melbourne as an example. Melbourne
is claimed
as a most livable city in the world and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be classified
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This country has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructures
,
for example
, modern public health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, school, bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
at the airport, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
office, etc. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
condition can
be achieved
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay the tax
regularly
and obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. The tax payment becomes a resource to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and complete facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
obeys the regulation, they will not have problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Thirdly
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs sufficient job fields to work in.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can fulfil their needs by having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salary for their work and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
career in the future.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Los Angeles spend most their time for working and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
financial condition. This situation can
be created
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be an entrepreneur. By being an entrepreneur, they can create new work fields for others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as well
as sufficient job opportunities. Then, this situation can
be built
by paying tax, obeying the policy, and creating the work-fields by entrepreneurs.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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