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Talk about an advice that you gave to someone. Please say- What was the advice? - To whom did you give it? - How did the person react? v.1

Talk about an advice that you gave to someone. Please say- What was the advice? - To whom did you give it? - How did the person react? v. 1
With the development of science and technology, there is an increasing trend of working at home other than going to work place. This phenomenon leads to a serious of discussion of whether can employers and benefit from this. In my opinion, working at home instead of going to work place is in the best interest employers. A convincing argument can be made that it can generate more profit for employers. To start with, working at home can save employers many working related experiences. For instance, since employees are working at home, employers have no need to provide them with parking place for their car, stationary for their daily use and some other necessities, such as lighting, water and toilet. Therefore, employers can save a lot of expenditure. Moreover, working at home can improve employees' productivity as well as efficiency. Specifically speaking, people whose job have been to design website usually require a comfortable and creative working environment. It may be difficult for the company to provide such an environment due to the fact that every individual has its unique requirement. Thus, it is more rational for employees to work at their own home so that they can work in their ideal environment. Only in this way, can they provide more extraordinary ideas and create a fantastic website. In addition, it has been long proven that individual would spend more time on their job if they work at home. That is to say, employees could apparently avoid wasting time on waiting for the bus, as well as, they could avoid traffic congestion, which would be likely to happen in the rush hour. Hence, it would, in fact benefit of the employers. Admittedly, working at home may sometimes bring problems for senior managers to control the company's business. The reason for this is that, working in an office, employees should report basically everything they do to their supervisor. And then their supervisor will report their performance to the senior managers so that they can evaluate how is their business and whether is the organisation functioning. However, with everyone working at home, it would be impossible for senior managers make such an evaluation. This in turn will largely discourage employees' motivation since their boss does not have an idea of their performance. This seems to be a crucial issue at the first sight; however, this issue can be easily addressed through computer science and technology. Also, people should not overlook the fact that the more supervision in the office the less freedom employees would get. The lack of freedom during work would discourage employees as well. To sum up, personally I believe that employers can get more benefit if they allow employees to work at their own home. It can provide employees a comfortable working environment, reduce the time workers wasted on the road and also improve their work productivity in a general sense.
With the development of science and technology, there is an increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home other than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place. This phenomenon leads to
The phrase 'a serious of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a serious of
discussion of whether can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
and benefit from this. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place is in the best interest employers.

A convincing argument can
be made
that it can generate more profit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
related experiences.
For instance
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
have no need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them with parking place for their car, stationary for their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other necessities, such as lighting, water and toilet.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
expenditure.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
employees' productivity
as well
as efficiency.
Specifically
speaking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose job have been to design website
usually
require a comfortable and creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. It may be difficult for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
due to the fact that every individual has its unique requirement.
Thus
, it is more rational for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in this way, can they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
more extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and create a fantastic website.
In addition
, it has been long proven that individual would spend more time on their job if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could
apparently
avoid wasting time on waiting for the bus,
as well
as, they could avoid traffic congestion, which would be likely to happen in the rush hour.
Hence
, it would, in fact benefit of the employers.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
bring problems for senior managers to control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's business.
The reason for this is
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an office,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should report
basically
everything they do to their supervisor. And then their supervisor will report their performance to the senior managers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can evaluate how is their business and whether is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
functioning.
However
, with everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home, it would be impossible for senior managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such an evaluation. This in turn will
largely
discourage employees' motivation since their boss does not have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of their performance. This seems to be a crucial issue at the
first
sight;
however
, this issue can be
easily
addressed through computer science and technology.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not overlook the fact that the more supervision in the office the less freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. The lack of freedom during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as well
.

To sum up,
personally
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefit if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home. It can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time workers wasted on the road and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity in a general sense.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an advice that you gave to someone. Please say- What was the advice? - To whom did you give it? - How did the person react? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
481 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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