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5. Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v.1

5. Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 1
In the contemporary era, people live in a global village on earth due to the advanced development of digital devices and the internet. Although the quality of lives has been improved constantly,   perfect communities have not achieved worldwide. In terms of each individual view, the criteria for a perfect community vary in terms of different cultures and historical backgrounds. The essay will list some criteria for an ideal society and some strategies to achieve an ideal community. To begin with, it is a fact that an ideal community will be determined by many factors; therefore, it is a tough task to identify important elements of a perfect community in the world.  A community consists of local residents; therefore, human beings with a kind heart and correct social values are one of the most important elements of an ideal society.  Moreover,  I also personally believe that a first-class community in the modern world should provide a harmonious environment for local residents to raise their families or enjoy their daily life without any kind of pressure from their surrounding environment.  Well-developed economic section, family-friendly living environment, zero -level pollution and zero  crime rate are all crucial elements for a perfect community. Last but not the least, a government that has always placed its residents' interest firstly will be a crucial factor for a perfect community; therefore, all citizens feel comfortable to raise their families there. How to establish a perfect society is an extremely tough task worldwide in the human history. I believe that following some strategies in any community will guide a community to develop into a perfect one. Firstly, it is  crucial to establish a government which presents for local citizens' best interest. Then  local citizens should realize that it also is their basic responsibility to contribute to the communities. Maintaining a clear living environment, fighting against any crimes and being a role model for their children all will contribute their communities to develop into perfect ones. Moreover, a perfect community should provide universal access to health care service and all kinds of education to its local residents. In summary, as reviewing the history of human beings, there were many scholars worldwide had planned or even had carried out their agenda to establish a perfect community. In current advanced technology, a perfect community should provide harmony and peaceful living environment for its residents. To establish a perfect society will rely on many factors as well.
In the contemporary era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a global village on earth due to the advanced development of digital devices and the internet. Although the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
constantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
  perfect
communities have not achieved worldwide. In terms of each individual view, the criteria for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
community vary in terms of 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and historical backgrounds. The essay will list
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criteria for an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies to achieve an ideal community.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a fact that an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will
be determined
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors;
therefore
, it is a tough task to identify
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
elements of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
community in the world.  A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
consists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents;
therefore
, human beings with a kind heart and correct social values are one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
elements of an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.  
Moreover
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
also
personally
believe that a
first
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in the modern world should provide a harmonious environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents to raise their families or enjoy their daily life without any kind of pressure from their surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.  Well-developed economic section, family-friendly living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, zero -level pollution and zero
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
crime rate are all crucial elements for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that has always placed its residents' interest 
firstly
will be a crucial factor for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
;
therefore
, all citizens feel comfortable to raise their families there.

How to establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is an
extremely
 tough task worldwide in the human history. I believe that following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will guide a community to develop into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
one.
Firstly
, it is
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
crucial to establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which presents for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens' best interest. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 local
citizens should realize that it
also
is their basic responsibility to contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. Maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, fighting against any crimes and being a role model for their children all will contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
to develop into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
ones.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
community should provide universal access to health care service and all kinds of education to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.

In summary, as reviewing the history of human beings, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scholars worldwide had planned or even had carried out their agenda to establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
advanced technology, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
community should provide harmony and peaceful living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for its residents. To establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors
as well
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay 5. Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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