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Talk about an important letter that you have sent to someone. Please say- Why did you send it? - What was it about? - To whom did you send it? v.1

Talk about an important letter that you have sent to someone. Please say- Why did you send it? - What was it about? - To whom did you send it? v. 1
We have seen a rising number of start- ups in the last decade. The Silicon Valley in California is the paradise for entrepreneurs who would like to start their own business. They choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. But what are the reasons for this and what could be the disadvantages of self-employment? To begin, people want to be more independent and they would like to choose their working hours. Of course, this is impossible if you are part of a company. However, home offices are very popular nowadays, but shift workers, for instance, cannot do your job at home, nor can they decide anything about their timetable. Consequently, people quit their job and become self-employed. Secondly, workers have to obey orders, no matter if it is a wrong or correct decision. Furthermore, people want to be their own leader and they choose the leave the company and start their own business. On the other hand, if you work on your own, you have to take care whether you have enough work to do. You are responsible for your company`s finances. As an employee of an organization, for example, you do not have to be concerned about this. The salary is transferred to your bank account at the end of the month without any necessary action. In conclusion, people often think it is very easy and not a big deal to become self-employed, but there come many other tasks and responsibilities with this decision.
We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rising number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
- ups in the last decade. The Silicon Valley in California is the paradise for entrepreneurs who would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. They choose to be self-employed
rather
than to work for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or organization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what are the reasons for this and what could be the disadvantages of self-employment?

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independent and
they would like to choose their working hours.
Of course
, this is impossible if you are part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
However
, home offices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
shift workers,
for instance
, cannot do your job at home, nor can they decide anything about their timetable.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
quit their job and become self-employed.

Secondly
, workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obey orders, no matter if it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or correct decision.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
leader and
they choose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

On the other hand
, if you work on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care whether you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
work to do.

You are responsible for your
The character between 'company' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "company’s" (curly apostrophe) or "company's" (straight apostrophe).
company`s
finances. As an employee of an organization,
for example
, you do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be concerned
about this. The salary
is transferred
to your bank account at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month without any necessary action.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal to become self-employed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other tasks and responsibilities with this decision.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important letter that you have sent to someone. Please say- Why did you send it? - What was it about? - To whom did you send it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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