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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v.7

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 7
Every human has certain dreams and thoughts, of how they are going to live or what their lives will be like. The most important factor as per me is, the place where one stays. It's crucial as, one can go back and relax. People near by us have a great influence on one an another. Where we grow and what kind of activity we were surrounded by plays the most important aspect. However, we all wish for certain type of place, but we all are confused, What is the perfect city to live in. So, I shall be discussing and highlighting the key feature and how can we all get the same in the following paragraphs. To begin with, having a peaceful environment for ourselves and for our family is something we all crave for since the beginning of the mankind. But no one knew what is the dream place? Where else one is just running for it. Some by making money or having lavish lifestyle and assuming that this is the place they want for everyone and their family to live. But that is not the ideal society where everything is seen by many and no emotions. As per me the concept of having a perfect place/ society to live is which everyone loves and respect each other. Rather, then pulling people down. They should focus on spreading harmony. It is not a rocket science that, money won't last long. It is not something which will help us to grow and become a good person. It the love and respect for each other is going to help human to actually be a human. So to conclude, I think everyoneone should start working on developing a place where they can come back with no thoughts of winning or loosing. Rather, they should feel the freshness of coming to a place where they can say they are happy to be. For achieving this everyone should leave behind their competitive behaviour and work together.
Every human has certain dreams and thoughts, of how they are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
or what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
will be like. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor as per me is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where one stays. It's crucial as, one can go back and relax.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
Did you mean "nearby"?
near by
us have a great influence on one
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "." or "another .".
an another.
Where we grow and what kind of activity we
were surrounded
by plays the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect.
However
, we all wish for certain type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we all
are confused
, What is the perfect city to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I shall be discussing and highlighting the key feature and how can we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, having a peaceful environment for ourselves and for our family is something we all crave for since the beginning of the mankind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
no one knew what is the dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
? Where else one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
running for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
by making money or having lavish lifestyle and assuming that this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they want for everyone and their family to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that is
not the ideal society where everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and no emotions.

As per me the concept of having a perfect place/ society to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
is which everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
and respect each other.
Rather
, then pulling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
down. They should focus on spreading harmony. It is not a rocket science that, money won't last long. It is not something which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to grow and become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect for each other is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
human to actually be a human.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyoneone
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working on developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back with no thoughts of winning or loosing.
Rather
, they should feel the freshness of coming to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where they can say they are happy to be. For achieving this everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind their competitive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and work together.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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