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In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? v.12

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? v. 12
After finishing their high school, it is usual for students continuing their study in a domestic university. Meanwhile, some students tend to move abroad for further education instead as they prefer experiencing new educational method and acquire knowledge of a diversity of culture. However, studying abroad has advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, students studying overseas would confront with mental problems. In particular, foreign students have to face with the differences in culture between the new community and their hometown. As a result, these students would have difficulty in adapting to the new living place; for instance, they may fail to integrate with their schoolmates. In addition, moving abroad would not only limit the physical interaction with one's parents, but also force the students to be independent. For example, they have to do the laundry and manage the finance on their own without the support from their parents, which the students are not used to and may feel overwhelmed. This lack of interaction and instant independence could lead to homesickness, or worse, depression. On the other hand, once the students cover from these mental problems, the students could acquire multicultural experience and have more career opportunities. Overseas study would give a chance for students to interact with a diversity of cultures that they have never known before. Consequently, they could understand the differences between cultures and be more open-minded. This understanding would gain them the ability to adapt to different environments. The ability would help them to fulfil the requirement for a variety of job opportunities, especially international corporations. In conclusion, students moving to study overseas would have difficulty in mentally adapting to the new culture. However, they could acquire multicultural experience and flexibility, which give them considerable career opportunities. In my opinion, the advantages of study abroad outweigh its drawback because it provides a diversity of cultural experience and independence with a flexible attitude.
After finishing their high school, it is usual for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a domestic university. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for
further
education
instead
as they prefer experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
educational method and acquire knowledge of a diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
However
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying overseas would confront with mental problems.
In particular
, foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with the differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
community and their hometown.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would have difficulty in adapting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
living place;
for instance
, they may fail to integrate with their schoolmates.
In addition
, moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limit the physical interaction with one's parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be independent.
For example
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the laundry and manage the finance on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without the support from their parents, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to and may feel overwhelmed. This lack of interaction and instant independence could lead to homesickness, or worse, depression.

On the other hand
, once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cover from these mental problems, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could acquire multicultural experience and have more career opportunities. Overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
would give a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to interact with a diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that they have never known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Consequently
, they could understand the differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and be more open-minded. This understanding would gain them the ability to adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environments. The ability would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to fulfil the requirement for a variety of job opportunities,
especially
international corporations.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
overseas would have difficulty in mentally adapting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
However
, they could acquire multicultural experience and flexibility, which give them considerable career opportunities. In my opinion, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
outweigh its drawback
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides a diversity of cultural experience and independence with a flexible attitude.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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