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Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v.6

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v. 6
Nowadays intelligent people are respected around the world. Although a few public considered that success is the best measure, others deny and believe that there are a few other ways to measured talents. In my opinion, I personally think that success is the significance policy for intelligence because success give the confidence as well as push the people in a new happier life as well. Firstly, people got the confidence from being successful. In other words, success always appropriate the human for doing well every time and people always try their best in every work of life. For example, while my brother got GPA FIVE in Secondary Certificate Examination, he again started to putting his hundred percent effort, as a result, he earn GPA FIVE again in the Higher Secondary Examination. Besides, success always give the confidence to people for doing well all time. Secondly, success made happier life of people. In other words, society always respect the successful people in the society as well as in the field of work, for instance, successful people got the best job opportunities in all over the world, because of only the success of people. As a result, they can build their future happier. Moreover, a happier future is important for the family of successful people as well. In conclusion, succeeding in life is beneficial in various ways. However, I think that being successful is the best way for intelligence. Because it always bring the confidence as well as manufactured happier upcoming days also.
Nowadays intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are respected
around the world. Although a few public considered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
measure, others deny and believe that there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to measured talents. In my opinion, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the significance policy for intelligence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as push the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
from being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
always appropriate the human for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
every time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always try their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
in every work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, while my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
GPA FIVE in Secondary Certificate Examination, he again
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to putting his hundred percent effort,
as a result
, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "earns", "earned".
earn
GPA FIVE again in the Higher Secondary Examination.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
always give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
all time.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, society always respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as in the field of work,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
job opportunities in all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, they can build their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
future is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the family of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
.

In conclusion
, succeeding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is beneficial in various ways.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way for intelligence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it always
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
upcoming days
also
.
24Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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