Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v.4

Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v. 4
Raising children is a complex task and it is so important to the human being that in some societies, it is considered as the primary responsibility of a family. It is scientifically proven that a child raised under the supervision of both parents is healthier both physically and psychologically. However, there are debates put up by some people opining that women are better at parenting than men. In my view, both parents have an equal role to play in providing care to children. This essay will elaborate both views in detail in few paragraphs below. To start with, it well established that children are emotionally more attached to a mother than a father. Women could sense problem their child is going through with just the sound of the call they make to call their mother. Many societies believe that certain feelings Mothers get are nothing but the sign by the God about the well-being of their child. For example, in China, if a mother dreams of her child playing in the mud with a pig, it is taken that Child is healthy and safe. Therefore, it is widely believed that mothers have got natural instinct of child care. However, various studies and research done by scientific fraternity have concluded that Children getting care from both parents turn out to be better human being. This is perhaps due to the fact that the child gets to see two different views on the same problem. Therefore, his/her thinking style broadens. A recent study done by the Psychological society of Mumbai says that children  who had single parents, irrespective of gender, were lagging behind in logical thinking skill compared to those who had both parents. Moreover, study further reveals these children were more prone to influence by bad elements like drugs, crime etc. Therefore, it can be fairly concluded that though women are good at child care, for all rounded development children need both parents.
Raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a complex task and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the human being that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
societies, it
is considered
as the primary responsibility of a family. It is
scientifically
proven that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
raised under the supervision of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is healthier both
physically
and
psychologically
.
However
, there are debates put up by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opining that women are better at parenting than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In my view, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an equal role to play in providing care to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will elaborate both views in detail in few paragraphs below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it well established that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
emotionally
more attached to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
than a father. Women could sense problem their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is going through with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the sound of the call they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to call their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
societies believe that certain feelings Mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
are nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
by the God about the well-being of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, in China, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
dreams of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
playing in the mud with a pig, it
is taken
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
is healthy and safe.
Therefore
, it is
widely
believed that mothers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
natural instinct of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
care.

However
, various studies and research done by scientific fraternity have concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
getting care from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
turn out to be better human being. This is perhaps due to the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the same problem.
Therefore
, his/her thinking style broadens. A recent study done by the Psychological society of Mumbai says that children
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
who had single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, irrespective of gender, were lagging behind in logical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
compared to those who had both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, study
further
reveals these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were more prone to influence by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
elements like drugs, crime etc.

Therefore
, it can be
fairly
concluded that though women are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
care, for all rounded development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts