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Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v.3

Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v. 3
Raising children in any society is influenced by their own value and culture. Restlessness traditional world viewer, think and see that the women are the dominant person in taking care of their children. However, in modern society, women and men as an equal to taking their part in raising up the children, as I mention too. Traditional people exhort the women to take primary responsibility for nursing and educating their children. Women take a crucial role in growing the kids to being an enough older. Meanwhile, the man pays more attentions on fulfilling goods for the family members. Men are one person with superior power in making decision and women is one person with powerless and followed that men decision. She can not involve in voted her voices on taking a decision, otherwise, she only focus on taking care and growing their children. Furthermore, modern people show that taking a car on their teeny people is older people want to. Both of men and women have the willingness to support the younger person to being a man and women. The men not only giving the authorities to the women as a single fighter to provide kids needed, but he actively involved on nursing their children. To sum up, take car and guardian the kids not only being as women responsibility, but men also involved actively in younger life development. From my point of view, both of them, men and women have equal responsibility for taking care of raising up their children. Men and women have the same position in making decision on their family in helping their kids to giant better life in the future.
Raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any society
is influenced
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value and culture. Restlessness traditional world viewer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, in modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
as an equal to taking their part in raising up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as I mention too.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exhort the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to take primary responsibility for nursing and educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
take a crucial role in growing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to being an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
older. Meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
pays more attentions on fulfilling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for the family members.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
are one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with superior power in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with powerless and followed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. She can not involve in voted her voices on taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
,
otherwise
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "focuses", "focusses", "focused", "focussed".
focus
on taking care and growing their children.

Furthermore
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that taking a car on their teeny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to. Both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the willingness to support the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
giving the authorities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as a single fighter to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
needed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
actively
involved on nursing their children.

To sum up, take car and guardian the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
being as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
also
involved
actively
in younger life development. From my point of view, both of them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have equal responsibility for taking care of raising up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the same position in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
on their family in helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to giant better life in the future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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