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Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v.1

Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v. 1
We came in this world as an infant with a blank slate in our mind to be filled with various things as we grow older. We receive inputs from the society comprises of peoples such as our parents, siblings, relatives, playmates, friends and our teachers. But our first teachers is our parents and I think they are the best among all the teachers we come across in our life because they are the one we spent most of our time with and they have greater influence in our lives than anyone else. Learning starts as soon a child appears in his mother’s womb and as per a scientific study evidence was found that most of the neurone connection in human develops even before they come to the world. So undoubtedly parents are first and the most important teachers. They taught us how to eat, how to walk and to summarise how to behave like a human. For example, once I had seen a footage on Discovery channel wherein a four-year girl was found in the custody of dogs who have raised her ever since her parents left her. And a result of this is that she hardly speaks, she used to bark and walk on four legs instead to two. So this proves that what we see is what we learn. Hence parents play a pivotal role in our life acting as the very first tutor of behavioural science. Yes, there is no doubt that school teachers are the best gift you can get because they bestow you with all the knowledge and experience they have. But characters and personality are built at home and parents are the best teachers because they will always be there for you whenever you feel confused and guide you to the path which is best for you.
We came in this world as an infant with a blank slate in our mind to
be filled
with various things as we grow older. We receive inputs from the society
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
peoples such as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, siblings, relatives, playmates, friends and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
among all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across in our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the one we spent most of our time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
with and
they have greater influence in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than anyone else.

Learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
a child appears in his mother’s womb and as per a scientific study evidence
was found
that most of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neurone' is British English.
neurone
connection in human develops even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
first
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. They taught us how to eat, how to walk and to
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
how to behave like a human.
For example
, once I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a footage on Discovery channel wherein a four-year girl
was found
in the custody of dogs who have raised her ever since her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
her. And a result of this is that she hardly speaks, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to bark and walk on four legs
instead
to two.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this proves that what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is what we learn.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a pivotal role in our life acting as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
tutor of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
science.

Yes, there is no doubt that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
gift you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they bestow you with all the knowledge and experience they have.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
characters and personality
are built
at home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will always be there for you whenever you feel confused and guide you to the path which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
for you.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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