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Though we learn many valuable things from our teachers, friends, colleagues and relatives, parents are still our best teachers in our life. v.1

Though we learn many valuable things from our teachers, friends, colleagues and relatives, parents are still our best teachers in our life. v. 1
It is obvious that parents play a huge role in children's lives. Generally, most of the children start their lives with their parents and thus learning basic things from them. It is our father and mother who teach us how to communicate with others, how to speak and how to behave. I believe that parents influence the future of children in so many ways. First of all, we not only receive physical traits from our parents but also we get their habits and manners. Sometimes, we do not even realise that we are copying the behaviours of our parents. For example, my mother has brought me up to value the time. She told me to get on time to school and to submit the homework in a timely manner. She also encouraged me to prepare in advance. She showed a good example to me. She prepared everything beforehand and she has never been late to her work or any social events. She was praised by families and friends for being punctual and I wanted to be like her. Examples set by parents shape the way their children are. In addition, parents are the one whom the children spent most of their time with. Numerous studies have proven that the young age, between the ages of three to five, when children start learning is an important period. At the early age, children tend to learn and memorise what parents do and they accept it as the right thing to do in their lives as well. For instance, the first words of the toddler who has to live with the parents who usually swear will be the abusive words. The children who have to live the smoking parents are more likely to smoke at teenage. To conclude, the parents are the driving force and steer the children's lives. Parents are the most responsible persons of what a child would grow up to be.
It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a huge role in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Generally
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
thus
learning basic things from them. It is our father and mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
teach us how to communicate with others, how to speak and how to behave. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
influence the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
receive physical traits from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their habits and manners.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, we do not even
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that we are copying the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, my mother has brought me up to value the time. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on time to school and to submit the homework in a timely manner. She
also
encouraged me to prepare in advance.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to me.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
prepared everything
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
beforehand and
she has never been late to her work or any social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
was praised
by families and friends for being punctual and I wanted to be like her. Examples set by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
shape the way their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the one whom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spent most of their time with. Numerous studies have proven that the young age, between the ages of three to five, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
period. At the early age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to learn and
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
do and
they accept it as the right thing to do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
as well
.
For instance
, the
first
words of the toddler
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
usually
swear will be the abusive words. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
the smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more likely to smoke at teenage.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the driving force and steer the children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the most responsible persons of what a child would grow up to be.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Though we learn many valuable things from our teachers, friends, colleagues and relatives, parents are still our best teachers in our life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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