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This pie charts illustrate the ratio of three different groups of citizens( 0-14 years, 15-59 years, 60+ years) who lived In Yemen and Italy in 2000 and who will live in 2050. v.1

This pie charts illustrate the ratio of three different groups of citizens( 0-14 years, 15-59 years, 60+ years) who lived In Yemen and Italy in 2000 and who will live in 2050. v. 1
It is often seen in the developing countries that the new generation is attempting more crime than before. This essay will discuss how poverty of the nation and wrong upbringing for a rich child encouraged to commit crime and how some government programs and a proper raising method of rich offspring can tackle this problem to some extent. THE PRIEM REASON FOR YOUTH CRIME IS THE LOW ECONOMY OF THE COUNTRY. LOW ECONOMY MEANS MORE NEEDY PEOPLE. TO ELABORATE, NEEDY PERSON DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH ENCOME TO FEED THEIR FAMILY, THUS THE CHILD OF THAT FAMILY TRIES TO COOPERATE WITH THAT BYE FINDING EASY MONEY THROUGH MINOR CRIMES LIKE, ROBERY, FRAUDE ETC. FOR AN EXAMPLE, ONE BOY IN MY NEIGHBOUR HE ATTEMTED A ROBBARY IN BANK TO REPAY LOAN OF THE FAMILY BECAUSE HIS FATHER IS JUST LABOUR WORKER AND HE TOOK LOAN FOR HIS DAUGHTER'S MARRIGE. THAT FARMER WAS HARDLY CAPABLE TO PAY THE HOUSE-HOLD UTILITY IN THAT HOW COULD HE PAY BACK THE LOAN. THUS I THINK THIS IS THE ONE REASON OF WHY YOUTH IS ATTEMPTING CRIME. MOREOVER, ADULESENCE FROM WEALTHY FAMILY ALSO TRIES TO OUGHT OFFENCE IN SOME CASES DUE TO SOME WRONG UPBRINGING BY THEIR PARENTS. TO ILLUSTRATE, WHEN PARENTS ARE NOT GUIDING THEIR CHILDREN IN A CORRECT WAY, NOT TAKING CARE OF THEM PROPERLY, THAT JUVENILE GET IN BAD INFLUENCE AND AS THEY ARE RICH THEY THINK THAT NO ONE CAN CATCH AND IF SO HAPPEN, THEY PARENTS WILL DO SOMTHNING TO TAKE THEM OUT FOR THEI PRIDE. THUS I BELIEVE, PARENTS ALSO PLAY AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN THIS. IN THE SOLUTION SIDE, FIRST OF ALL, GOVERNMENT CAN OPEN VARIOUS PAROGRAM LIKE, SAVING FOR GIRLS' MARRIAGE IN THE AUTHORITY BANKS. TO ELABORATE, DUE TO THIS KIND OF PROGRAM POOR PEOPLE AN HAVE SOME SAVING SO THAT THEY DO NOTHAVE TO GO TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR LOAN. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IN INDIAN THERE IS A SKIM WHERE ANY PEOPLE WHO HAS LOW OR MEDIUM INCOME CAN ELIGIBLE TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT AND DIPOSIT MONEY EVERY MONTH. THEY CAN START THIS WHEN THE GIRL BORNS. SECOND OF ALL, RIGHT GUIDANCE PROVIDED TO THE CHILD BY THEIR PARENT. TO EXPLAN, WHEN PARENT TEACH THEIR CHILD OF MORAL VALUE, HONESTY, HOW TO BE GOO MEMER OF THE SOCIETY WILL DICREASE THE YOUTH CRIME. TO SUM UP, IT IS TRUE THAT CRIME HAS BOOST ENORMOUSSLY IN THE PRESENT TIME DUE TO SOME ECONIMY PROBLEM AND PARENTING. BUT GOVERNMENT CAN HELP AN D ALSO INDIVIDUALS TO LOWER THE PROBLEM OF THIS.
It is
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often
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seen
in the
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developing countries
that the new generation is attempting more
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crime
than
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before
. This essay will discuss how poverty of the nation and
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wrong
upbringing for a rich
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child
encouraged to commit
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crime
and how
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
programs and a proper raising method of rich offspring can tackle this problem to
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some
extent.

THE
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PRIEM
REASON FOR YOUTH
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CRIME
IS THE LOW ECONOMY OF THE COUNTRY. LOW ECONOMY MEANS MORE NEEDY
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PEOPLE
. TO ELABORATE, NEEDY PERSON DO NOT HAVE
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ENOUGH
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ENCOME
TO FEED THEIR
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FAMILY
,
THUS
THE
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CHILD
OF THAT
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FAMILY
TRIES TO COOPERATE WITH THAT BYE FINDING EASY MONEY THROUGH MINOR
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CRIMES
LIKE,
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ROBERY
,
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FRAUDE
ETC. FOR AN EXAMPLE, ONE BOY IN MY
Possible spelling mistake. 'NEIGHBOUR' is British English.
NEIGHBOUR
HE
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ATTEMTED
A
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ROBBARY
IN BANK TO REPAY
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LOAN
OF THE
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FAMILY
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BECAUSE
HIS FATHER IS
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JUST
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LABOUR
WORKER AND HE TOOK
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LOAN
FOR HIS DAUGHTER'S
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MARRIGE
. THAT FARMER WAS HARDLY CAPABLE TO PAY THE
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HOUSE
-HOLD UTILITY IN THAT HOW COULD HE PAY BACK THE
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LOAN
.
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THUS
I
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THINK
THIS IS THE ONE REASON OF WHY YOUTH IS ATTEMPTING
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CRIME
.
MOREOVER
,
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ADULESENCE
FROM WEALTHY
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FAMILY
ALSO
TRIES TO OUGHT
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OFFENCE
IN
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SOME
CASES DUE TO
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SOME
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WRONG
UPBRINGING BY THEIR
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PARENTS
. TO ILLUSTRATE, WHEN
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PARENTS
ARE NOT GUIDING THEIR CHILDREN IN A CORRECT WAY, NOT TAKING CARE OF THEM
PROPERLY
, THAT JUVENILE
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GET
IN
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BAD
INFLUENCE AND AS THEY ARE RICH THEY
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THINK
THAT NO ONE CAN CATCH AND IF
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SO
HAPPEN, THEY
The pronoun 'THEY' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "parent"
PARENTS
WILL DO
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SOMTHNING
TO TAKE THEM OUT FOR
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THEI
PRIDE.
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THUS
I BELIEVE,
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PARENTS
ALSO
PLAY AN
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IMPORTANT
ROLE IN THIS.

IN THE SOLUTION SIDE,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
FIRST OF ALL
,
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GOVERNMENT
CAN OPEN VARIOUS
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PAROGRAM
LIKE, SAVING FOR GIRLS' MARRIAGE IN THE AUTHORITY BANKS. TO ELABORATE, DUE TO THIS KIND OF PROGRAM POOR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
After 'AN', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'HAVE' is correct. If 'HAVE' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
AN HAVE
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SOME
SAVING
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SO
THAT THEY DO
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NOTHAVE
TO GO TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR
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LOAN
. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IN INDIAN THERE IS A SKIM WHERE ANY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
WHO
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'PEOPLE' should be used.
HAS
LOW OR MEDIUM INCOME CAN ELIGIBLE TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT AND
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DIPOSIT
MONEY EVERY MONTH. THEY CAN
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START
THIS WHEN THE GIRL
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BORNS
. SECOND OF ALL, RIGHT GUIDANCE PROVIDED TO THE
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CHILD
BY THEIR
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PARENT
. TO
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EXPLAN
, WHEN
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PARENT
TEACH THEIR
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CHILD
OF MORAL VALUE, HONESTY, HOW TO BE GOO
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MEMER
OF THE SOCIETY WILL
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DICREASE
THE YOUTH CRIME.

TO SUM UP, IT IS TRUE THAT
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CRIME
HAS
Use past participle here: "boosted".
BOOST
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ENORMOUSSLY
IN THE PRESENT TIME DUE TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
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ECONIMY
PROBLEM AND PARENTING.
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BUT
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GOVERNMENT
CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
AN D
ALSO
INDIVIDUALS TO LOWER THE PROBLEM OF THIS.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay This pie charts illustrate the ratio of three different groups of citizens( 0-14 years, 15-59 years, 60+ years) who lived In Yemen and Italy in 2000 and who will live in 2050. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
421 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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