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These days, violence among young people is becoming increasingly widespread. What are causes for this tendency? What solutions can be made to overcome it? v.1

These days, violence among young people is becoming increasingly widespread. What are causes for this tendency? What solutions can be made to overcome it? v. 1
It has become apparent in recent years that the tendency to violence among young generations is increasing at an alarming rate causing many detrimental facets on humankind. This essay will discuss two main reasons associated with aggression of youngsters and suggest some viable solutions. It is widely acknowledged that computer games play a significant role encouraging violent inclinations such as aggression, antisocial behavior and recklessness. There are many fight scenes where the most brutal is applauded in computer games that have a large influence to change good behavior patterns of young people. Dependency on such kind of computer games excessively results committing several minor and major crimes among the young including juvenile delinquency, bullying, theft or truancy. For example, many education authorities complain that the cruelty among young generation is on the rise. Moreover, another contributor is using internet sites in a wrong way which some of them have certain features to lead violence such as pornography contents. There is an eclectic mix of possible solutions. First of all, adopting stricter laws and punishment-oriented approaches by government can be a feasible answer. The government should restrict teenagers from watching violent video games by establishing limitation. Secondly, the role of parents plays importantly. They should draw more attention on their children shaping ground rules against violence in computer games and negative internet websites. For instance, checking regularly, what kind of sites their children utilize and not permitting the games or videos, which are full of aggression, will lead to avoiding such kind of issues. In conclusion, the main causes of violence of youngsters are internet and computer games and this can be tackled by stricter laws and punishment-oriented approaches. It is predicted that through working in cooperation between government authorities and parents the tendency to violence can be softened.
It has become apparent in recent years that the tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations is increasing at an alarming rate causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental facets on humankind. This essay will discuss two main reasons associated with aggression of youngsters and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable solutions.

It is
widely
acknowledged that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
play a significant role encouraging violent inclinations such as aggression, antisocial behavior and recklessness. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fight scenes where the most brutal
is applauded
in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that have a large influence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior patterns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Dependency on such kind of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
excessively
results committing several minor and major crimes among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
including juvenile delinquency, bullying, theft or truancy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
education authorities complain that the cruelty among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is on the rise.
Moreover
, another contributor is using internet sites in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have certain features to lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
such as pornography contents.

There is an eclectic mix of possible solutions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, adopting stricter laws and punishment-oriented approaches by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can be a feasible answer. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should restrict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
from watching violent video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by establishing limitation.
Secondly
, the role of parents plays
importantly
. They should draw more attention on their children shaping ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
internet websites.
For instance
, checking
regularly
, what kind of sites their children utilize and not permitting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or videos, which are full of aggression, will lead to avoiding such kind of issues.

In conclusion
, the main causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
of youngsters are internet and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and this can
be tackled
by stricter laws and punishment-oriented approaches. It
is predicted
that through working in cooperation between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities and parents the tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can
be softened
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay These days, violence among young people is becoming increasingly widespread. What are causes for this tendency? What solutions can be made to overcome it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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