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Write about the following topic: These days in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

: These days in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? v. 1
From my point of view, teachers for higher secondary schools were scarce, due to few reasons like less income, extended working hours along with the bad behaviour of children in the lecture hall. In this essay will deep dive into the reasons and propose some solutions to the problems. Firstly, salary given to teachers is comparatively lower than other jobs. It’s hard for them to survive with such low pay. Cost of living is increasing frequently to cope with that teachers are moving to other jobs. In order to sustain old staffs and attract fresh talents, The Government should increase the salary in proportion to the subsistence. Secondly, the extended working hours. Teachers will take classes even on non-working days in the name of special class and after returning to home they will correct papers and notebooks of pupils. It is difficult for them to spend valuable time with their family. For example, one of my maternal aunt is working as a teacher, she has to go to work every single day especially when main exams are nearing. She rarely takes leave because of her busy schedule. They will become frustrated and tired if continued to work for longer hours. Government should consider increasing the staff count in schools so that the work will distrusted among them. It will greatly reduce the stress of tutors. Another issue is that many students do not behave well in class. They will disturb the class and even argue with professors if they warned them for wrong acts. Some students will speak badly about them in their back. The Solution to this lies in the hands of their parents, they have to teach their kids how to behave with teachers and elder ones from their young age. Finally, if you want a better future for our children, we need to change the above mentioned problems that will attract fresh talents to apply for the teaching profession. These are possible only if the government took responsibility to solve the problem.
From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
for higher secondary schools were scarce, due
Did you mean "too"?
to
few reasons like less income, extended working hours along with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of children in the lecture hall. In this essay will deep dive into the reasons and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to the problems.

Firstly
, salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
comparatively
lower than other jobs. It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to survive with such low pay. Cost of living is increasing
frequently
to cope with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are moving to other jobs. In order to sustain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
staffs and attract fresh talents, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should increase the salary in proportion to the subsistence.

Secondly
, the extended working hours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
even on non-working days in the name of special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and after returning to home they will correct papers and notebooks of pupils. It is difficult for them to spend valuable time with their family.
For example
, one of my maternal aunt is working as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go to work every single day
especially
when main exams are nearing. She rarely takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her busy schedule. They will become frustrated and tired if continued to work for longer hours.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should consider increasing the staff count in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the work will distrusted among them. It will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of tutors.

Another issue is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students do not behave well in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. They will disturb the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and even argue with professors if they warned them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
acts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students will speak
badly
about them in their back. The Solution to this lies in the hands of their parents, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach their kids how to behave with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and elder ones from their young age.

Finally
, if you want a better future for our children, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the above mentioned problems that will attract fresh talents to apply for the teaching profession. These are possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
took responsibility to solve the problem.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay : These days in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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