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These days people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.2

These days people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2
Nowadays, it is a growing trend for people to have different professions simultaneously and to work for a wide range of places rather than staying stably at the same company during their lives. However, there are both pros and cons in doing this. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why doing various jobs is popular and some of the challenges to be overcome. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of working in more than one job. One of the main positives of this, I consider, is the income as money is the key feature to better life. What I mean by this is that the more jobs people have, the higher profit they can make. On top of this, another appealing aspect can be the chance to broaden one's horizons as working in many places enables one to learn from the people he is working with. Also, changing the career may help people find an appropriate workplace they have always craved. Turning to the other side of the argument, these can lead severe problems. Take work stress as an example. Naturally, having a lot on your plate makes it almost impossible to manage things which will result in overwork stress. Besides this, distracted attention is also an issue. As a result, people cannot do any of jobs well All things considered, working in different places and changing the job is gaining popularity yet people need to weigh up the pros of salary and work experience, and the cons of stress and losing concentration. Personally, I believe the losses since overwork threat eventually outweighs any positives.
Nowadays, it is a growing trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions
simultaneously
and to work for a wide range of places
rather
than staying
stably
at the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, there are both pros and cons in doing this. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why doing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is popular and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
challenges to
be overcome
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. One of the main positives of this, I consider, is the income as money is the key feature to better life. What I mean by this is that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, the higher profit they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. On top of this, another appealing aspect can be the chance to broaden one's horizons as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places enables one to learn from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with.
Also
, changing the career may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find an appropriate workplace they have always craved.

Turning to the other side of the argument, these can lead severe problems. Take work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as an example.
Naturally
, having a lot on your plate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it almost impossible to manage things which will result in overwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Besides
this, distracted attention is
also
an issue.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot do any of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
well


All things considered,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is gaining popularity
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to weigh up the pros of salary and work experience, and the cons of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and losing concentration.
Personally
, I believe the losses since overwork threat
eventually
outweighs any positives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay These days people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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