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Some people believe that women should be treated as equal as men when applying to the jobs in military sector. Others think that they are not suitable for this. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal as men when applying to the jobs in military sector. Others think that they are not suitable for this. 1
Some opine that females should be given equal opportunities together with their male counterparts to apply for jobs in the field of military, whereas others argue that they are not suitably qualified for this. I think that the former seems to be better option as we reside in the egalitarian society. Firstly, there is no doubt that women excel at several careers with their outstanding personalities. However, a number of individuals are of view that they would not be able cope with the difficulties of military duties for the long -term period since it is their physical defect which tells them against when it comes to taking arduous exercises to make themselves prepared for the sudden assault of the enemy of their country, for instance. On the other hand, it often mentioned that women are of quite fortitude and can perform particular tough tasks more effectively and easily than men do. Although their physical condition is their greatest weak point, women can play an important role in encouraging the other soldiers with motivating words and phrases. For example, having been exhausted from hard aspects of the army, the majority of young recruits often tend to lose their bearings towards the life. In such cases, female militarists would help them stay healthy in terms of psychological prosperity. In conclusion, I believe that even though women are usually treated to be incompatible with military duties due primarily to the high physical demands, they should have fair chances like men with their charismatic presence.
Some
opine that females should be
given
equal opportunities together with their male counterparts to apply for jobs in the field of military, whereas others argue that they are not
suitably
qualified for this. I
think
that the former seems to be better option as we reside in the egalitarian society.

Firstly
, there is no doubt that
women
excel at several careers with their outstanding personalities.
However
, a number of individuals are of view that they would not be
able cope
with the difficulties of military duties for the long -term period since it is their physical defect which
tells
them against when it
comes
to taking arduous exercises to
make
themselves prepared for the sudden assault of the enemy of their country,
for instance
.

On the other hand
, it
often
mentioned that
women
are of quite fortitude and can perform particular tough tasks more
effectively
and
easily
than
men
do. Although their physical condition is their greatest weak point,
women
can play an
important
role in encouraging the other soldiers with motivating words and phrases.
For example
, having
been exhausted
from
hard
aspects of the army, the majority of young recruits
often
tend to lose their bearings towards the life. In such cases, female militarists would
help
them stay healthy in terms of psychological prosperity.

In conclusion
, I believe that
even though
women
are
usually
treated to be incompatible with military duties due
primarily
to the high physical demands, they should have
fair
chances like
men
with their charismatic presence.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be treated as equal as men when applying to the jobs in military sector. Others think that they are not suitable for this. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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