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These days people are living into their 90s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible v.3

These days people are living into their 90s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible v. 3
There is a concern about the responsibility for the elderly. Some social workers suggest that it is the government to be obliged for this, while some medics advocate that relatives can fulfill better. This essay agrees with the idea of making relatives obligatory. Let us start with the reasons why some social workers state that children are responsible for their parents, when they become old. The first reason is that the elderly used to take care of them before they got older. Aged members normally nurtured young ones, when they were immature, so now that they become grown-up, they should serve their parents in return. Another reason is that none can look after their relatives better than their children. People, who are unrelated to the family, cannot provide the same care as family members, so the best nurses are relatives. Furthermore, older people can care for their grandchildren. Grandparents commonly help working relatives by giving parental care to their young members, which is beneficial to the whole family. However, some doctors believe that the government should look after the aging generation. Firstly, mature members have little time for their grandparents. The current generation are usually busy with work and, consequently, cannot pay sufficient attention to their older parents, so the government should become accountable for them in providing the normal standards of life. Secondly, it can provide the timely medical aid. The authorities may supply the older generation with medical treatment, when they feel either sick or heart attack, which can hardly be secured by the close people at home. Moreover, the retired used to contribute the economy. The state officials should take care of the retired in case children refuse to do this, because they contributed to its growth in the past. In conclusion, although some hospital workers claim that the government should be made liable for older citizens, I think that family members should take be in charge of caring for their the aging relatives.
There is a concern about the responsibility for the elderly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social workers suggest that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
be obliged
for this, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medics advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
can fulfill better. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
obligatory.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers state that children are responsible for their parents, when they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. The
first
reason is that the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
. Aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
normally
nurtured young ones, when they were immature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that they become grown-up, they should serve their parents in return. Another reason is that none can look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
better than their children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
, who
are unrelated
to the family, cannot provide the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
as family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the best nurses are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their grandchildren. Grandparents
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to work" or "work".
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
by giving parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, which is beneficial to the whole family.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doctors believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should look after the aging generation.
Firstly
, mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for their grandparents. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation are
usually
busy with work and,
consequently
, cannot pay sufficient attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should become accountable for them in providing the normal standards of life.
Secondly
, it can provide the timely medical aid. The authorities may supply the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation with medical treatment, when they feel either sick or heart attack, which can hardly
be secured
by the close
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at home.
Moreover
, the retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to contribute the economy. The state officials should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the retired in case children refuse to do this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contributed to its growth in the past.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hospital workers claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
be made
liable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should take be in charge of caring for their the aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days people are living into their 90s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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