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The use of social media is replacing face to face interaction among many people in society Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.1

The use of social media is replacing face to face interaction among many people in society Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
It is true that nowadays more and more social media platforms emerged with the intention of getting social networking easier than before, while most people believe this is replacing face-to-face interaction in the society. This essay will discuss why the disadvantage of social media is outweigh the advantages. In one hand, the core concept of social media is connecting people around the world instantly and share information between them using various technologies like chat messages and video calls. Moreover, It is in-fact save the time and energy of peoples busy life style and they can use that time for some other activities. Because of the development of such platforms people can communicate anyone any time regardless of the place that person lives. As an example, you can make a video call to your friend in a different country without spending money on traveling. Furthermore, larger companies benefit from this technology, so that employee no longer need to be in the premises, meanwhile they can work from their home. On the other hand, despite of all the benefits from these social media platforms, most of them nowadays believe they are harming the social bonding that we had before with face-to-face conversations. In-fact the main difference between a video call and a face-to-face discussion is the lack of real feelings for each other. Secondly, working from home while avoiding human interactions indirectly make the person fear of real human interactions. As an example, most of the programmers chose to work from home, by doing that they avoid human interactions and eventually gets more nervous among people. Finally, the lack of privacy is more dangerous than all other benefits. Researches shows that more and more developments of the social media platforms harm the persons privacy than ever before. In conclusion, although the core fundamentals of the social media is to connecting people all around the world instantly and effortlessly, the harms that comes indirectly is more critical and in-fact this could damage the society and human interactions in future.
It is true that nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
emerged with the intention of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, while most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe this is replacing face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
in the society. This essay will discuss why the disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
the advantages.

In one hand, the core concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world
instantly
and share information between them using various technologies like chat messages and video calls.
Moreover
, It is in-fact save the time and energy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
busy life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
style and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that time for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of the development of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate anyone any time regardless of the place that person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As an example, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a video call to your friend in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country without spending money on traveling.
Furthermore
, larger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
benefit from this technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that employee no longer need to be in the premises, meanwhile they can work from their home.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
all the benefits from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
, most of them nowadays believe they are harming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonding that we had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with face-to-face conversations. In-fact the main difference between a video call and a face-to-face discussion is the lack of real feelings for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Secondly
, working from home while avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the person fear of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
interactions.

As an example, most of the programmers chose to work from home, by doing that they avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more nervous among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Finally
, the lack of privacy is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits. Researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more and more developments of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
harm the persons privacy than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, although the core fundamentals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here. "connecting" is a present participle verb.
to connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world
instantly
and
effortlessly
, the harms that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
indirectly
is more critical and in-fact this could damage the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face to face interaction among many people in society Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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