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Some students found some subjects such as mathematics Philosophy are difficult so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some students found some subjects such as mathematics Philosophy are difficult so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory v. 2
Nowadays school syllabus has many subjects, while in some countries, it is expanded to 10 subjects. While a portion of students believe that difficult subjects like Mathematics and Philosophy needs to be optional, rather than compulsory. I completely disagree with the statement and this essay will discuss why it is more important. Firstly, mathematics helps our daily activities. studying equations not only helps our day today life it is in fact improve our mind also. While we look this in deeper, we can realise how these mathematics equations are intergraded in every aspects of the life. As an example, buying products, building houses or farming all most all the professions need mathematical knowledge. Although for some student it is harder than other subjects, but once they enter in to the workforce they will realise the importance. Secondly, not only mathematics, as a subject philosophy also helps students to think logically. Moreover, logical thinking also helps our life in many ways. Understanding processes, how the nature works or differentiating right from wrong is also important. As an example, while you’re working and you were in a critical decision-making situation, logical thinking will help tremendously. Furthermore, almost all the subjects may think as difficult in some aspects, but the actual benefits are priceless when you are entering to the workforce. In conclusion, it is difficult to categorize that mathematics and philosophy should be an optional subject when the benefits of it are countless. It is true that for some portion of the students it is difficult but I strongly disagree that wrapping these subjects as optional rather than compulsory. Because as I mentioned earlier, actual usage of those subjects are yet to come.
Nowadays school syllabus has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, it
is expanded
to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. While a portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mathematics
and Philosophy needs to be optional,
rather
than compulsory. I completely disagree with the statement and this essay will discuss why it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
our daily activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
studying
equations not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
our day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
life it is in fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our mind
also
. While we look this in deeper, we can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
equations are
Possible spelling mistake found.
intergraded
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
of the life. As an example, buying products, building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or farming
Did you mean "almost"?
all most
all the professions need mathematical knowledge. Although for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
it is harder than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once they enter in to the workforce they will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the importance.

Secondly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
philosophy
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
.
Moreover
, logical thinking
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
our life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Understanding processes, how the nature works or differentiating right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As an example, while you’re working and you were in a critical decision-making situation, logical thinking will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
tremendously
.
Furthermore
, almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual benefits are priceless when you are entering to the workforce.

In conclusion
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to categorize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and philosophy should be an optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
when the benefits of it are countless. It is true that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
disagree that wrapping these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as optional
rather
than compulsory.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
as I mentioned earlier, actual usage of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
yet
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students found some subjects such as mathematics Philosophy are difficult so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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