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Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym and health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym and health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. v. 1
Everyone wants to stay healthy and fit, for achieving this goal, we tend to do different things, some of us thinks that, to achieve the desired level of health one must join the gym and there are others who think our daily chores are enough to keep us in good shape. In this essay we are going to discuss this narrative from both perspectives. Joining the gym is the best way of achieving the fitness, A person who joins them are basically making an additional effort to keep their body in shape, they are supposed to be stronger and healthier, even though they are spending extra money for this but it also motivates them to go beyond and helps them in achieving that goal. Health clubs these days are equipped with modern machinery and there are gadgets available to monitor your efforts, all of this inspires people to work hard and achieve their fitness goal. Everyday work keeps you active, but it doesn’t guarantee your health. Even those who went to gym also do their routine works, but they are making an extra effort to stay active. Some jobs are tough like manual labours, we can argue that those can be sufficient but not everyone is doing that. Our daily activities like climbing, walking, running etc. All these do help, but our eating habits cancel out their effects. Our current generation eats a lot of unhealthy things like fast food, for them just some manual exercise is not enough, the additional calories can only be burnt through the gym. So I would incline more towards the people who join fitness clubs because they are working hard for this purpose and trying more to stay healthy.
Everyone wants to stay healthy and fit, for achieving this goal, we tend to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that, to achieve the desired level of health one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
and there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
our daily chores are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape. In this essay we are going to discuss this narrative from both perspectives.

Joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is the best way of achieving the fitness, A person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
them are
basically
making an additional effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body in shape, they
are supposed
to be stronger and healthier,
even though
they are spending extra money for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
motivates them to go beyond and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in achieving that goal. Health clubs these days
are equipped
with modern machinery and there are gadgets available to monitor your efforts, all of this inspires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and achieve their fitness goal.

Everyday work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it doesn’t guarantee your health. Even those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
also
do their routine works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are making an extra effort to stay active.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
jobs are tough like manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
, we can argue that those can be sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone is doing that. Our daily activities like climbing, walking, running etc. All these do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our eating habits cancel out their effects.

Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation eats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
unhealthy things like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
manual exercise is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, the additional calories can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be burnt
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would incline more towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
fitness clubs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for this purpose and trying more to stay healthy.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym and health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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