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these days more and more younger people have to compete with older people for same jobs. what are the problems it causes? what is the solution. v.1

these days more and more younger people have to compete with older people for same jobs. what are the problems it causes? what is the solution. v. 1
It is being argued that, in the recent days a large number of the younger generation generation is competing with the older people for the same kind of jobs. The younger generation might not be able to reach the expectations set by the seniors. Also, in order to complete the assigned tasks, the young people might have to extend their office hours, which would in turn disrupts their work life balance. Hence the younger minds should be given a suitable training and make them learn the technology before deploying them to the real world projects. Firstly, the seniors in the organization have their own way of working on a job. They have their standard in writing the code, executing the same, making a presentation, articulating it according to the industry standards. When it comes to the youngsters due to the lack of experience they might not be able to perform the exact same tasks as performed by their senior peers. This often leads to criticism from Managers and could cause a setback to the young minds. Secondly, the younger generation might not be able to complete the assigned set of tasks on a timely basis, and due to work pressure have to extend their duty hours which in a way would lead to the imbalance in their work life. This can cause serious health issues to the young minds. The young minds these days are rich in knowledge due to the advancement in technology, but they lack the specific skills or the hands-on experience. Hence a proper training and learning plan should be given to every younger individual. They should be made to work on work on real time scenarios and get them ready for the fast paced environment. If successfully completed the training, they should then be deployed to the production projects where they can perform sufficiently better and compete with their peers of any age group. Summing up, the younger generation if given good training and sufficient learning plan, will make them compete in the real word along with the older or any other people and this will never be a problem for anyone.
It is
being argued
that, in the recent days
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
Possible typo: you repeated a word
generation generation
is competing with the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for the same kind of jobs. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to reach the expectations set by the seniors.
Also
, in order to complete the assigned tasks, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
extend their office hours, which would in turn disrupts their
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
minds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them learn the technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deploying them to the real world projects.

Firstly
, the seniors in the organization have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of working on a job. They have their standard in writing the code, executing the same, making a presentation, articulating it according to the industry standards. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the youngsters due to the lack of experience they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to perform the exact same tasks as performed by their senior peers. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to criticism from Managers and could cause a setback to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to complete the assigned set of tasks on a timely basis, and due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
extend their duty hours which in a way would lead to the imbalance in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life. This can cause serious health issues to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds these days are rich in knowledge due to the advancement in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they lack the specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or the hands-on experience.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and learning plan should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
individual. They should
be made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on real time scenarios and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them ready for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced environment. If
successfully
completed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, they should then
be deployed
to the production projects where they can perform
sufficiently
better and compete with their peers of any age group.

Summing up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and sufficient learning plan, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them compete in the real word along with the older or any other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and this will never be a problem for anyone.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay these days more and more younger people have to compete with older people for same jobs. what are the problems it causes? what is the solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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