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Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v.1

Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 1
In recent year, finding a fob is one of the life's competitions. The older generation which is currently working in the organization has to compete with the fresh graduate. This is going to be the issue in the future and this essay will discuss some of the consequences of this issue and solution. Currently, there are too many fresh sage from college and university trying to find a gold after graduating. On the other hand, the employees which are working in the company have to emulate with the fresh sage. This situation will make the high race trouble appear, both of two sides will be competing with each other and this condition will create the stress to both sides. In the end, the result from this situation some people on both sides will be unemployed, and the economy is going to face with the unemployment dilemma. According to the situation, if the circumstance still keeps going like this, the possible solution will be a drawback. The highly work tournament trouble will be rising between the older generation and fresh graduates. Also, the number of unemployment will increase continuously year after year, this is the big influence of the high championship. Finally, these are going to affect to the economic trouble. In conclusion, the race between two generations bring several obstacles to social. For instance, high race between both age worker, economic question, tension from high race.
In recent year, finding a fob is one of the life's competitions. The older generation which is
currently
working in the organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
graduate. This is going to be the issue in the future and this essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
consequences of this issue and solution.

Currently
, there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
sage from college and university trying to find a gold after graduating.
On the other hand
, the employees which are working in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
emulate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
sage. This situation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
trouble appear, both of two sides will be competing with each other and this condition will create the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to both sides. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the result from this situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on both sides will
be unemployed
, and the economy is going to face with the unemployment dilemma.

According to the situation, if the circumstance
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
going like this, the possible solution will be a drawback. The
highly
work tournament trouble will be rising between the older generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
graduates.
Also
, the number of unemployment will increase
continuously
year after year, this is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
championship.
Finally
, these are going to affect to the economic trouble.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
between two generations bring several obstacles to social.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
between both age worker, economic question, tension from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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