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Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reasons for this? What would you suggest as a solution? v.1

Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reasons for this? What would you suggest as a solution? v. 1
It is common these days for elderly people who need a job to compete with youth for the same type of career. This issue may eventually lead to some problems and some steps should be taken to mitigate the related impacts. The main problem for elderly people who find it utterly difficult to secure work jobs, which arises because younger individuals are more up-to-date in the latest technology. Young people deal with more advanced technology not only in their university courses, but also in their daily life. In this way, in comparison with elderly people, they are by far more well qualified. For instance, from 2019 all over the world are facing a serious disease named COVID-19, and employments should do teleworking. Furthermore, the old candidate having considerable experiences, however, the younger one may be more successful owing to their technical knowledge. This recent phenomenon would probably make other problems. The old job seeker may be likely to have a family who have to supporting but they do not have enough income for their necessities. There are two measures to tackle this issue. Employers should compare candidates having the same requirements during the recruitment process or if they ensure that the old job seekers have a wealth of experience and basic skills they can provide free training for them before they start the job. Moreover, the government should impose restrict rules for the age of retirement, but also they should support them by providing their urgent needs. Although this needs a huge amount of budge, they would reduce the rate of joblessness among young people. To sum up, the main issue with competition between these groups is that elderly people experienced difficulties in finding a career. It seems that with the right training and rules and also financial aid may overcome the problems.
It is common these days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to compete with youth for the same type of career. This issue may
eventually
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps should
be taken
to mitigate the related impacts.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who find it
utterly
difficult to secure work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, which arises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger individuals are more up-to-date in the latest technology. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deal with more advanced technology not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their university courses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in their daily life. In this way,
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they are by far more well qualified.
For instance
, from 2019 all over the world are facing a serious disease named COVID-19, and employments should
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go teleworking".
do teleworking
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
candidate having considerable experiences,
however
, the younger one may be more successful owing to their technical knowledge. This recent phenomenon would
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seeker may be likely to have a family who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
income for their necessities.

There are two measures to tackle this issue. Employers should compare candidates having the same requirements during the recruitment process or if they ensure that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers have a wealth of experience and basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they can provide free training for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose restrict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for the age of retirement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they should support them by providing their urgent needs. Although this needs a huge amount of budge, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of joblessness among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, the main issue with competition between these groups is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experienced difficulties in finding a career. It seems that with the right training and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
also
financial aid may overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reasons for this? What would you suggest as a solution? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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