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Some people think that schools should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computer instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that schools should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computer instead. v. 2
In this age of technological advancements, many new ways of learning have been invented. Nowadays, the pupils don’t read books but also use multiple gadgets for their study purposes. However, in my opinion, books cannot be ruled out completely from the education system. This essay will provide insights about my opinion with illustrations. Firstly, an ideal education system should include books as well as technology in a balanced manner. Even though computers and videos may be useful in learning processes, they don’t come as handy as books. A book is published after given a lot of consideration, research, and analysis for a specific level with detailed examples to provide thorough knowledge. On the other hand, a video or film may present a subject interestingly but it lacks the quality of detailed knowledge. Next, on several occasions, students prefer studying quietly and find computers and videos quite disturbing. Also if we evaluate the given view from the teachers’ perspective, it may become a nuisance for them to pause a video every time to explain something from it to the students. Lastly, human interaction is very significant in schools and using computers and videos as alternatives to the books will completely eradicate it, which will eventually lead to various confusions about the subject as well as to the performance issues. Hence, instead of removing the books completely, students should be encouraged to use them along with technologies to get a better understanding of the subject. In essence, we cannot completely overlook the available technologies in this era where they have become a part of people’s life. Instead, they should be used as a model to teach students more effectively and in a creative way. As books include a vast amount of data and facts, technology can be used to explain hard topics more efficiently and this will be the perfect blend in the education system.
In this age of technological advancements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new ways of learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to have"
have
been invented
. Nowadays, the pupils don’t read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
multiple gadgets for their study purposes.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
cannot
be ruled
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
from the education system. This essay will provide insights about my opinion with illustrations.

Firstly
, an ideal education system should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in a balanced manner.
Even though
computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
may be useful in learning processes, they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as handy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is published
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
consideration, research, and analysis for a specific level with detailed examples to provide thorough knowledge.
On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
or film may present a subject
interestingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it lacks the quality of detailed knowledge.

Next
, on several occasions, students prefer studying
quietly
and find computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
quite disturbing.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
if we evaluate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
view from the teachers’ perspective, it may become a nuisance for them to pause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
every time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
something from it to the students.

Lastly
, human interaction is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant in schools and using computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
as alternatives to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
eradicate it, which will
eventually
lead to various confusions about the subject
as well
as to the performance issues.
Hence
,
instead
of removing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
, students should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better understanding of the subject.

In essence, we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
overlook the available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in this era where they have become a part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.
Instead
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a model to teach students more
effectively
and
Consider replacing "in a creative way" with the adverb for "creative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a creative way
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
include a vast amount of data and facts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
topics more
efficiently
and this will be the perfect blend in the education system.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computer instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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