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These days mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

These days mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In this contemporary era, technology is progressing at an exponential pace. Mobile phones and the internet are becoming the need of every person to interact with the community. This electronic advancement has affected relationships in various ways. In my perspective, the drawbacks certainly seem to be exiguous as compared to the benefits. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate my viewpoint with relevant examples. The drawback associated with this is that, it hinders real human interactions. For instance, it has been observed, people even at public places remain glued to their gadgets. Instead of interacting with the people around them, they ignore face to face conversation for virtual ones. As a result, people are nowadays struggling to chat with someone they meet out in public. Since humans are social creatures by nature who need real life connections, this runs the risk of becoming a huge problem for the society. On the flip side, Smart devices and the internet also comes with significant advantages. First and foremost, technical development has increased the efficiency of communication. For example, hundreds years ago, it was arduous to contact with a person living in another part of world while today we have numerous instant communication channels like, Whatsapp, Skype, and many more with which we can convey any information with a click of the button. Secondly, smart phones are a multipurpose device having entertainment, photo, video-capturing, and games which is way too beneficial for individuals. In the nutshell, I would like to pen down by saying that mobiles and the internet do come with certain problems, but in my opinion, if it use it wisely and appropriately it has myriad advantages for individuals and society.
In this contemporary era, technology is progressing at an exponential pace. Mobile phones and the internet are becoming the need of every person to interact with the community. This electronic advancement has
affected
relationships in various ways. In my perspective, the drawbacks
certainly
seem to be exiguous as compared to the benefits. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate my viewpoint with relevant examples.

The drawback associated with this is that, it hinders real human interactions.
For instance
, it has
been observed
,
people
even at public places remain glued to their gadgets.
Instead
of interacting with the
people
around them, they
ignore
face to face conversation for virtual ones.
As a result
,
people
are nowadays struggling to chat with someone they
meet
out in public. Since humans are social creatures by nature who need real life connections, this runs the
risk
of becoming a huge problem for the society.

On the flip side, Smart devices and the internet
also
comes
with significant advantages.
First
and foremost, technical development has increased the efficiency of communication.
For example
, hundreds years ago, it was arduous to contact with a person living in another part of world while
today
we have numerous instant communication channels like,
Whatsapp
, Skype, and
many
more with which we can convey any information with a click of the button.
Secondly
, smart phones are a multipurpose device having entertainment, photo, video-capturing, and games which is way too beneficial for individuals.

In the nutshell, I would like to pen down by saying that mobiles and the internet do
come
with certain problems,
but
in my opinion, if it
use
it
wisely
and
appropriately
it has myriad advantages for individuals and society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay These days mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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