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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
The world is constantly changing, with this change the use of the internet and mobile devices have become a great part of our lives in terms of social interactions and relations. Though, it has its own merits and de-merits. I believe there are more advantages to it than disadvantages. To begin with, internet and mobile phones have become so common in today's world that it seems quite impossible to live without it. The internet and mobile phones have brought people together in ways which we couldn't have imagined years ago. The internet is like a portal through which people can connect with one another regardless of the distance. It enabled friends and family members living in different parts of the world to connect with ease. With the help of internet and mobile phones, people from different backgrounds and cultures are able to share their thoughts and views through various social media platforms and connect with similar people. For example: a person on Youtube named pewdiepie gained popularity and became famous through his Youtube channel and this was possible only because of the internet. However, it can prove to be very dangerous and lethal when exploited. Nowadays, people especially the young generation is spending most of their time online rather than indulging in physical activities. The excessive use of mobile phones is also affecting the health of the people and making them anti-social in the physical world. People often fall victim to scams and other traps used by hackers to steal money, private data and other personal information. To conclude, both the internet and mobile devices have made our lives easier. But if we don't exercise caution and limit the daily usage, it can prove to be dangerous. In my opinion, I believe it has more positives than negatives.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
constantly
changing, with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and mobile devices have become a great part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in terms of social interactions and relations. Though, it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and
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de-merits
. I believe there are more advantages to it than disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, internet and mobile
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phones
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that it seems quite impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it. The internet and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together in ways which we couldn't have imagined years ago. The internet is like a portal through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can connect with one another regardless of the distance. It enabled friends and family members living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to connect with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and cultures are able to share their thoughts and views through various social media platforms and connect with similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
: a person on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
named
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pewdiepie
gained popularity and became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
through his
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
channel and this was possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the internet.

However
, it can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and lethal when exploited. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
the young generation is spending most of their time online
rather
than indulging in physical activities. The excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is
also
affecting the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and making them anti-social in the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fall victim to scams and other traps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by hackers to steal money, private data and other personal information.

To conclude
, both the internet and mobile devices have made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if we don't exercise caution and limit the daily usage, it can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. In my opinion, I believe it has more positives than negatives.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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